Didn't realise how long it had been since I've posted a blog... Strange, time went really weird on me this week.
I'm feeling numb at the moment. It's as though all the bad stuff happened to someone else and I just feel really strange. I could quite happily climb into my bed and not surface to deal with the world for the next few weeks.
I can fit into all my clothes again ~ which normally would be a good thing but, of course, I wasn't meant to be fitting into my tight-fitting jeans until after November. So fitting into my clothes is incredibly sad for me right now. I'm comfort eating so don't think I'll fit into them for long. Chocolate doesn't last five minutes in the house and I've even started sneaking it without hubby knowing, I know, sad, sad, sad!
Really looking forward to the summer holidays ~ 2 and a half weeks to go... Want to just spend time with the kids and relax at home, with no school runs. Hubby has 2 weeks booked off too, so hoping to do a few day trips. Please let the weather be nice, doesn't even have to be hot or even very warm, just DRY!! No rain!
I'm having moments where I desperately want a baby, I mean like seriously have an aching womb. Had a random convo with hubby the other night and I don't think he's going to want to try again ever. Still not sure how I feel about that. I've always wanted 3 children but we had decided that, financially, 2 was best, then when we had our little surprise with Logan, I thought "yay, it's meant to be" and we all got used to the idea of a family of 5. Now we are back to 4 (and no, I'm not ignoring or unappreciative of Michelle & James, you know I adore them) but I'm still thinking of 5. Has that opportunity happened? Passed us by? Dare I even risk going through all that again when I already have the "perfect" family?
aaaarrrrgggghhhh. Haven't confessed these feelings to hubby as I think I'm way too unstable to be discussing anything like this yet, but it is driving me a little crazy. And if he really doesn't want to try again, how am I going to feel? That he's taken an opportunity away from me, or that this is the way life should be? Am I worrying about this choice when it isn't even a choice/chance/possibility?
xxx
Thursday, 2 July 2009
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6 comments:
Only you will know whether to try again or not. I had a miscarriage after my first 2 boys and I just 'knew' I wanted to try again, even though my husband was not that keen. Be careful though that you are fully healed & have worked through all in your head - I went on to have a 'reactive depression' due to not taking any time off to recover & trying to push through the pain. Your heart will know .....take care x
Lisa, Designs by Isis
Your absence indicates progress I think. As for your family size, I am a firm believer in what will be will be and we have so little control over it. There is an old saying which I use a lot. It goes `if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans`.
I am also looking forward to the holidays and look forward to lots of blog reading and we can all twitter more without work and the bloomin school run.
Luv and hugs my dear. xxxx
Your feelings are natural. It's still early days and one day you will both know exactly what is right for you. Let yourself heal. xxx
Plenty of time for those decisions Helen, it's still early days. Take you time.
I hope the summer stays warm and dry for us all!
xxx
Lots of love and hugs to you... God has plans for you and your family... whether you are 4 or 5... know that he is in control and knows every thought and desire that you have.
Enjoy the summer holidays... family time. We're shivering here now!
Thank you
xxx
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