Helen @ The Beading Lady

Christmas Poem for a Busy Mum

2011-12-16T20:28:00.002Z

This poem was read out at my son's school during the Christmas Assembly and it brought tears to my eyes, reminding me to pause a moment.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS MOM

Twas the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode

Only one creature was stirring, & she was cleaning the commode.

The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,

while visions of N-64 & Barbie, flipped through their heads.

The dad was snoring in front of the TV,

with a half-constructed bicycle propped on his knee.

So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,

which made her sigh, "Now what is the matter?"

With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,

She descended the stairs, & saw the old man.

He was covered with ashes & soot, which fell with a shrug,

"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."

"Ho Ho Ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."

"Your gift was especially difficult to make."

"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is time alone."

"Exactly!" he chuckled, "So, I've made you a clone."

"A clone?" she muttered, "What good is that?"

"Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit chat."

Then out walked the clone - The mother's twin,

Same hair, same eyes, same double chin.

"She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess.

You'll relax, take it easy, watch The Young & Restless."

"Fantastic!" the mom cheered. "My dream has come true!"

"I'll shop, I'll read, I'll sleep a night through!"

From the room above, the youngest did fret.

"Mommy?! Come quickly, I'm scared & I'm wet."

The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."

"Hey," the mom smiled, "She sure knows her part."

The clone changed the small one & hummed her a tune,

as she bundled the child in a blanket cocoon.

"You're the best mommy ever. I really love you."

The clone smiled & sighed, "And I love you, too."

The mom frowned & said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal."

That's my child's LOVE she is trying to steal."

Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear,

Only one loving mother is needed here."

The mom kissed her child & tucked her in bed.

"Thank You, Santa, for clearing my head.

I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,

when they'll be too old for my cradle & song."

The clock on the mantle began to chime.

Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."

With the clone by his side Santa said "Goodnight.

"Merry Christmas dear mother, you will be alright".

Easily distracted...

2011-12-13T11:58:00.004Z

A few years ago I read an email ~ you know one of those funnies that circulates from time to time ~ and this one rang so true that I wish I had saved it somewhere. It was a short snippet of someone's day and how they get distracted.

I thought I'd do a quick version of my own...

So I'm just out of bed, dressed and ready to go downstairs when I glance and see the washing basket is full. Better take that downstairs and put the washing machine on. On my way downstairs I notice that a coat has fallen off the coat rack and when I bend down to pick it up I find my daughter's phone that she has been looking for. Dropping the coat I nip back upstairs to give my daughter her phone. Now, what was I doing again... Oh yes, the washing, now where did I leave the basket. Okay, found the basket at the bottom of the stairs, now into the utility room but first through the kitchen where son is making his lunch ready for school. "Mum, can you help me with this spread please?" Okay, dump the washing basket and help son make sandwich. But look at this kitchen counter now, better just tidy it up... and fill up the sink with hot water, these breakfast dishes are everywhere. Oh, there's some on the kitchen table too. Hang on, what's this note from cubs? "Son!!! What is this, it says you need some chocolate biscuits for cubs tonight?" Better check the cupboard and see if there are any packets. Okay found some biscuits, put those aside. Better just add sugar to that shopping list on the fridge, packet is looking a bit empty. Now where was I? Oh Drat the sink is about to overflow!! Right breakfast dishes to soak for a minute while I...? Oh yes, put the washing machine on. Okay into the utility room. Start to fill washing machine when I find a note in daughter's school trousers saying she needs to take her swimming stuff to school today. What?! I thought swimming was tomorrow?! Run upstairs to ask her, stopping momentarily to pick up the coat that I dropped earlier. "Daughter, what's this about swimming today?" "Oh yes, forgot to tell you, need my swimming gear today." Mmmm, now where is it? Run back downstairs, is it in the washing pile now all over the utility floor? No. Run back upstairs, is it on the clothes horse drying from the weekend? Phew, yes it is. Now where's the swimming bag to put it all in... Back downstairs. Found it and packed bag. (Daughter would normally be sorting her own swim bag but is today running late and panicking about her hair ~ that's another story for another day) Okay, now where was I? Oh yes washing machine. Okay, walk past the full sink... I'll just do a few dishes and put the next few to soak. Washing a mug... I haven't had a cup of tea today. Turn to the kettle and fill that up to boil. I'll just switch my computer on while the kettle boils so that I can start doing that newsletter for the client. Hang on I'm sure there was something I was going to do a minute ago. Can't remember, just go and check the kids are both nearly ready for school. Okay, daughter has swim bag. Son has lunchbag. And out the door they go. I'm next to the stairs so I'll just go up and open their curtains in their bedrooms (something they forget to do every day). I'm upstairs and notice all the washing hanging on the clothes horse is dry, I'll just fold those up. Mmmm, these bits need ironing, I'll just go downstairs and get the iron and ironing board, which are in the utility room. Hey, what are all these clothes still doing on the floor. Oh yes, forgot to put the washing machine on, I'll do that now. Back into the kitchen for that cuppa, kettle is cold, reboil! Do the next round of dishes in the sink. Oh computer has finished switching on, check emails and Facebook and Twitter. Start newsletter creation. Wasn't there something...?

Oh by the way... It's only 9am!!

xxx

A rose by any other name...?

2011-11-22T09:22:00.005Z

I was setting up a profile on yet another social networking site and was trying to find a word to describe myself/what I do.

Mumpreneur ~ still not sure about that phrase ~ defines me as a mum and an entrepreneur but seems kinda condescending?

Wahm ~ Well, I work a bit at home but I'm now a part-time supermarket worker too, so that doesn't fit. And once again "not quite as good as a man who works from home?"

Business Owner ~ Way too stuffy for what I do.

So I've ended up with that long-winded story of...
well, I'm first and foremost a Mum, then I'm a creative crafter selling as The Beading Lady, and I work as an Administration Assistant via Platinum Administration Solutions. Oh yes and I help to run a few Natural Hair Products websites called LoveHennaHair and Natural Henna Hair. I work at a local supermarket part-time and when I have time I try to be a good wife to my very patient hubby.

I don't really fit in any of the little boxes that I'm asked to tick in various forms.
Mmmm, that's me I guess. Label-less, unique, special, different!! And I like it!

Do you have the perfect phrase/word to describe you? Or me for that matter? :-D

xxx

I think my doorbell is haunted...

2011-11-19T09:43:00.002Z

...
ok, now that you've finished laughing at me I'll explain.
Seriously! Stop it now!

No, it isn't just a short in the system or the batteries running out. Let me explain why. The doorbell rings at about 11am every morning. It doesn't ring at 3am which is why I think it's haunted. Surely a short circuit would happen any time of the night or day, not at the same time every day?

Yes, I've checked the batteries and hubby has "changed the frequency" and also poked around looking for short circuits.

So think of me tomorrow morning as I hear the doorbell and get all excited that I have a visitor, only to open the door and see... no-one :-(

xxx

How I spent £20 in cash...

2011-11-18T08:39:00.003Z

... without even leaving the house.

On Wednesday afternoon I sat down with a list of mine and the children's activities for the following few days that needed cash/change. I emptied my purse in 2 minutes flat.
It started with:
£2 ~ Daughter goes to fun swim with her friend on Wednesday evening
£1.80 ~ Me catching bus into town on Thursday morning (Exact change required)
£1.80 ~ Me catching bus out of town on Thursday afternoon
£1.50 ~ Son's disco on Thursday night
£2.50 ~ Daughter's Lifesaving lesson on Thursday night
£1 ~ Pudsey day donation for Daughter
£1 ~ Pudsey day donation for Son
£2 ~ Daughter takes lunch money on a Friday
£2 ~ Daughter said they would be selling cakes to raise more money for Children in Need at school
£1 ~ My donation at work for a charity cause
£1 ~ Hubby's donation for work for a charity cause.

And then I wonder why I never have any money. Hubby says to me ~ but you took £20 out of the bank on Monday...
Yes and look where it's all just gone!

xxx

Indecisive...

2011-11-17T09:09:00.002Z

Daughter left for school this morning in a bit of a huff with me (as always).
As she started to walk up the street I closed the door and looked down ~ there was her PE bag. So I open the door and shout her name. She turns around and I motion for her to come back. As she walks back down the street she sees I have her PE bag in my hand. Emotions on her face ranged from "how embarrassing that Mum shouted my name in the street" to "oh thank goodness Mum has remembered my PE bag". She gets back to me with a half-smile/half-grimace and I say "Thanks Mum!" and she mumbles "Thanks Mum".

Oh how I love to be a parent, such appreciation from my children!
LOL!

xxx

Teacher's gifts...

2011-06-24T14:47:00.005+01:00

This month I've been making little presents with teachers in mind...

If you would like to order any of these or would like me to create a custom one especially for your child's teacher, please get in touch :-)

Helen
xxx

It has WHAT in it?!

2011-04-12T16:37:00.004+01:00

I bet you didn't know that your standard marshmallow has pork gluten in it?
And that most jelly sweets contain pork or bovine gluten?
Oh and that delicious chocolate mousse... pork gluten!
UK Oreo cookies... Not vegetarian (US ones are though?)

I didn't realise until recently how much animal products are in sweets/sweet foods. I assumed, as I'm sure most of us do, that because it's a sweet, it doesn't have meat. Wrong!
And why do I have to know all this?
Because my daughter, who has been a vegetarian for nearly two years, has decided to investigate even more intensively the food she is eating. She decided in May 2009 that she did not want to eat animals... fair enough, we've bought quorn products/meat substitutes and thought that was it. No, she now reads labels and looks out for all those words that we previously didn't even know what they meant!
And yes, she's stopped eating marshmallows/jelly sweets and even her favourite chocolate mousse.

Helen
xxx

School holiday countdown...

2011-04-05T14:10:00.003+01:00

School closes on Friday at 1:30pm and I'm counting down to it!

I love school holidays!
I love spending uninterrupted time with the children, I love not having to get up and walk the children up to school, I love that we can be impulsive and catch the bus/train to anywhere for the day, I love that the children get to relax and not think about homework/SATS because I refuse to let them do too much homework during holidays (daughter is doing them on 9May and I'm not impressed with how much pressure they are putting on 10/11 year olds but that's another blogpost in itself). So yes, you get the idea, I love school holidays as much as the children do.
I'm very lucky in that, because I work from home, I can be with the children and work around them.

How do you feel about school holidays? Hate them because it means you have to find childcare? Love them because you get to go on daytrips with them? Hate them because the children always end up fighting?

Helen
xxx

Slight imperfections...?

2011-04-04T10:02:00.003+01:00

I attended a lovely make-up party on Friday. Lovely because the hostess is lovely and the guests were all friendly and even the saleslady wasn't pushy. However... I was a little saddened by the idea that women have to cover up slight imperfections. The saleslady was doing the demonstration and was explaining how you can use this product to cover the dark patches under your eyes (proof of my long nights looking after poorly son last week) and this product for the slight imperfections in colour on your cheeks (proof I grew up in a sunny country and spent time outside). Oh and don't forget about changing the shape of your lips with this product. *sigh*

I don't wear make-up ~ at all, nothing, not even a little eye-shadow or lip-gloss. I'm afraid my poor hubby has to put up with my bare face, day in and day out. No particular reason, possibly just that I am too lazy to spend half an hour every morning trying to fix nature's slight imperfections.

I am shocked by how much make-up the young girls are wearing these days, (oh my, don't I sound old?) not just eye-shadow but full on foundation. So much so that they look like pale ghosts and you wouldn't be able to tell what colour their skin really is! Surely all that make-up is bad for their skin, clogging up the pores and making any spots worse?

Men don't wear anything to hide all their little imperfections! Why should we women feel we should have to? And from such a young age?!

Helen
xxx

Happy Mother's Day

2011-04-03T09:49:00.001+01:00

Hope you all have a lovely day.

xxx

BUNNIES!

2011-03-20T10:56:00.000Z

The Easter Bunny is all over Misi at the moment, preparing for Easter celebrations...

Made with Love...

Hennie...

Lilyshaw...

Helen
xxx

St Patrick's on Misi...

2011-03-17T09:26:00.001Z

I've found some gorgeous St Patrick's Day goodies on Misi...
All clover and GREEN...

Sparrow Primitives

Patchwork Cottage Crafts...

Huggles...

Emmacoo...

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Helen
xxx

Another March Flower...

2011-03-09T11:49:00.003Z

For the Craftalong on Misi...

Blue fimo flower (handcrafter by me) on silver-plated chain...

Helen
xxx

Edit to add: Donated to the BlueSunflower shop on Misi ~ a great charity shop. The blue flower necklace is now available to purchase here... With all funds raised going straight to the charity.

March Flowers...

2011-03-02T11:12:00.002Z

We're having a craft-a-long on Misi and the theme is Flowers...
I've actually managed to make 3 things already. It's given me a much-needed inspiration boost. I just needed a direction or theme and it's been great.
Here's my first item...

Red rose made out of fimo (by me) with a butterfly charm.
And a spiral wire wrap ring with tiny red rose.

xxx

Race for Life...

2011-02-28T14:26:00.005Z

My 11 year old daughter asked me the other day if we could do Race for Life... I couldn't refuse!
She hates the colour pink but is already planning a pink feather boa, pink t-shirt and possibly pink fairy wings ~ now that is dedication!

She's becoming a very society conscious person. I'm super-proud. She has used some of her pocket money to buy Red Nose items and whenever we are at the shops, I'm encouraged to buy products that donate a portion to Red Nose Day, though she was disappointed to discover that they only donate 5p per product on certain products. "That's not much is it?" She asks :-)

So anyway, back to Race for Life:
We've created a page and we are already 65% of the way towards our target! How awesome is that?! There are some very generous people in this world.

We'd love some more donations though... Race for Life Donation Page *hint hint*

We are taking part at Himley on 10th July 2011. Wish us luck!!

Helen
xxx

Pink Misi

2011-02-16T11:56:00.003Z

Feeling in a girly pink mood today so I thought I'd do a PINK blog...
Let's see what I can find that suits my mood on Misi today...

The Beading Lady ;-)

Helen
xxx

Good Morning Misi :-)

2011-01-29T11:03:00.005Z

Just a few fun samples of Morning items on Misi...

Helen
xxx

I've been making :-D

2011-01-17T12:23:00.003Z

It's been a long time but I've finally started getting creative again... And Loving it! May even try and keep this blog updated again :-)

So what have I made... a few things... including:
A necklace set...

A chunky green bracelet...

Some handcrafted gift bags/party bags... (sorry about pic quality)

Some hairclips...

And finally a few children's bracelets and a hairclip...

:-D
Helen
xxx

Now... where was I...?

2010-10-06T11:47:00.003+01:00

I'm not sure if I should come back to this blog or not after such a long break so we'll give it a few weeks and see how it goes. If I spout too much nonsense, just tell me to shut up and I'll disappear again ;-)

I started this blog 2 years ago as a sort of diary about me and my family, then it became about my Beading Lady creations, and then when I lost the baby last May, it became a place for me to deal with my grief. I'm healing now and almost back to a stable, sensible place in my life so I thought I'd have another look at this blog and see where I want to go with it.

Ok, so where I am now... Let me re-introduce myself... I'm a WAHM with two children ~ ds aged 9 and dd nearly 11. Over the past year we have adopted two bunny rabbits. A male mini lop named Rocky and recently a female netherland dwarf named Kelly.
I work at home running ~ The Beading Lady (I make jewellery and attempt to sell it), LoveHennaHair (an online shop that I run with a partner selling henna hair dye) and lastly Platinum Administration Solutions (a secretarial services type business). None are making me a fortune but are helping pay a few bills. I have many moments of doubt where I think that I should go out and find a "Real" job but then realise that I'm home with my children when they need me and that's worth the stress at the moment.
I'm married to a lovely, patient man who puts up with all my crap and insecurities and we've been together for nearly 17 years now.
I hit a bad patch last year after losing our "surprise" baby at 16 weeks pregnancy. Found it really difficult to handle the pain and isolated myself a fair amount. It's been a long painful journey but I think I'm stronger now.
I'm 34 but sometimes feel like a teenager, I dye my hair red with henna and am still trying to find my own sense of style ;-)

Right, I've re-introduced myself ~ your turn... Anybody out there?

xxx

A year ago...

2010-05-30T21:54:00.003+01:00

A year ago, at this very moment, I lost my baby.
After 16 weeks of excitement, love and anticipation, I lost him.
I had been told that he was already dead but this is the moment that I realised that it was real, that I really was not going to have a real, live, healthy baby.
I miss him. I miss me ~ the normal me. The pre-babyloss me.

I also nearly lost my life an hour or so later. Glad I'm still here to nag at my hubby, to love my precious children and glad to be around to see another year of their amazing growth as people.

RIP Logan, my darling angel ~ I love you, even though I never even got to meet you.

xxx

Being a Mum is hard...

2010-05-05T10:28:00.003+01:00

I had one of those testing Mummy Moments this morning.
My 10 year old daughter felt unwell when she woke this morning. Tummyache and generally blah feeling. So, I send her to have breakfast, get dressed etc. She's very quiet on the walk to school and when we get there, the quiet tears start. So this is where the Mummy Moment comes in....
In the space of 10 seconds, my brain goes... If she's really ill, it would be terrible for her at school. If she's putting it on a bit and I let her off today, she'll think she can get away with it every day. She's had some bad days at school lately (10 yr old girls can be nasty) so is she just trying to avoid school and if she is just trying to avoid the girls for a day, maybe one day without that stress would be a good thing for her. But, I don't want her to think that hiding is the best way to deal with her problems. The last time she had a day off school sick was nearly a year ago now, so it's not like she pulls it every week. Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh!

So here we sit, her on the couch reading her school book and me on the other side with my laptop (working, well kinda).

Argh, soft Mummy!! They don't tell you when you have them as babies that it actually gets more difficult. When they are tiny babies, the biggest concerns are feeding, changing the nappies and sleeping patterns. And now they are older, they take care of the basics themselves and the concerns get confusing!
Should I let them walk to school by themselves? I was at their age.
Should I let them play out in the cul-de-sac until 7pm?
Should I let them have a day off school when they are feeling a little under the weather?
*I ask all these questions as "I" even though my hubby makes these decisions with me BUT he tends to be a lot more lenient and relaxed with rules (and is generally at work during half the decisions). He reckons I'm too strict but I don't want them to turn out as dole-living yobbos who don't care about anyone except themselves.*

Helen
xxx

So proud...

2010-04-13T18:35:00.003+01:00

...of myself :-D

I've been crafting!
Finally found a bit of mojo and made some jewellery in the sunshine today...

Yes, I know, a little bit dark/black BUT... I made this summery, bright and cheerful item over the weekend and it's listed on Misi...

I also made my Mum a birthday present...
but I can't show you because Mum reads my blog occasionally and I don't want her to see it yet.

Haven't decided where to list the above items yet but just wanted to show you how busy I've been.

Oh and Misi had a make-over the other week ~ take a wander over and see how clean and fresh it looks.

Helen
xxx

sigh

2010-03-18T14:07:00.004Z

Nope, nothing much else, just *sigh*.

I hope you all had a lovely Mother's Day on Sunday ~ I did.
We celebrated with my Mum on Saturday, lovely lunch at a local restaurant/pub with brother and Mum and then Sunday was ME day :-D
Hubby and I took the kids for a walk around Kinver Edge, lovely, relaxing. Kids had a great time with some freedom to run around, climb up "mountains" etc.
Then after a lovely little lunch in Kinver we went home to rest a bit after all that exercise. At about 3pm my daughter asked if we could go and see Alice in Wonderland ~ so we did. It was so great to be impulsive and just go. We didn't watch it in 3D, James and I wear glasses and seem to find it really difficult to enjoy 3D movies, feeling headachey and dizzy afterwards. But yes, good movie ~ kids enjoyed it.

Now to the bit that I don't really want to admit... I spent some of the day ~ not all of it but just a little while ~ wondering what should have been. I would have had a baby, would have carried a 4 month old baby around the park and probably not have gone to watch the movie as a 4 month old might have cried through it. But sh*t I wanted to have those difficulties and inconveniences! I've kinda shoved it away at the moment ~ kids have seen me fall apart way too many times in the last year ~ but at the back of my mind... this time last year I had just realised I was pregnant... this time last year I was crying because I didn't know how to tell hubby that we were expecting the unexpected... this time last year I was planning to be a mum-of-3.

And the *sigh*, it's because I just feel like that *sigh*. What should have been, could have been and there's nothing I can do about it. Frustrated sigh, disappointed sigh, but also an almost contented sigh. Yes, I can be/do all those at once. Contented because my dear children are awesome. No I can never replace Logan, will never get over that loss but I do have two fantastic children and though I feel sad and disappointed, I also feel proud and happy.
Both children received glowing reports at parent's evening last week. Both working at WAA (Way Above Average) in most of their subjects and are doing fine socially, phyisically etc.
Daughter talks to much (takes after her mother) and son doesn't volunteer to talk enough (takes after his father). Kids have had that same report for last 5 years so I'm really not going to worry about that, that is their personalities and we love them for it.

Another part of *sigh* ~ I've decided to try and find a job ~ though Platinum Administration is doing ok and The Beading Lady makes occasional sales ~ it's just not bringing in enough money at the moment. I went for an interview at a local supermarket on Tuesday but haven't heard back. Assuming that I haven't got it as they were starting training tomorrow 8am, but would have been nice to have been told. Sad because it was a job that I was way over-qualified for and now doubting myself. Did I not get it because I was over-qualified or am I really that bad that absolutely nobody will employ me? Self-doubt much?

So *sigh*...

xxx

Edit: Quick edit to say I've just received an email to say that I didn't get the job ~ I passed the interview stage and I'm a great match for their company but other candidates were better for this particular position, they will keep me in mind for others (blah, blah, blah). Oh well *sigh*

Shhhhhh.... it's so lovely and quiet!

2010-03-03T14:02:00.004Z

Hubby had to go to a meeting today ~ the first time I've been left alone in the house for nearly 5 weeks and it's soooo nice!
I don't know whose going more insane with him off with his broken wrist. Though he did have the cast taken off on Monday, he's still in a lot of pain so has had to catch the bus. Hope it all went well for him today.
I've had a fairly peaceful day ~ done a bit of work, caught up on a few TV programmes that I've taped recently and now I'm mooching around the blogs a bit, trying to update the Misi blog.

Daughter did her 600m swim badge on Tuesday ~ 24 laps in 30 minutes ~ I'm not sure I could even manage that at the moment ~ will have to get my butt in gear to keep up with the children.

And shock of shock ~ I actually loaded a new item onto my Misi shop!!

A unique Mother's Day gift.

Helen
xxx

So I promised...

2010-02-28T14:05:00.003Z

...you a more positive post.

James's year group is doing a dress-up day for World Book day next Thursday. He has to be an archaeologist or roman ~ he's chosen Indiana Jones because he's a cool archaeologist. I've been putting bits and bobs together for an outfit for him and it was just pure good luck that Hubby and I went past a charity shop that had this lovely hat that I thought would be great for him. Only £3.
Brought it home and showed James...

It's barely been off his head since.

He looks so handsome with it on ~ though just realised that with the stripey jacket he reminds me of Freddy Kreuger ~ but please don't tell him I said that!

Oh and gorgeous girl next to James is his sister, Michelle.

xxx

Housework sucks!

2010-02-25T09:57:00.001Z

No, seriously it does!
Gosh, the blog is turning into a serious of rants at the moment ~ please indulge me while I do my latest.
Housework ~ it's just this never-ending cycle and, to be honest, it's getting me down a bit at the moment.
People wear clothes, I wash them, hang them to dry, fold them, iron them and then fold them again, then put them in the cupboard. And then someone goes and bloody well wears them again. Grrrr!!!
And dishes ~ oh goodness ~ dishes! Why does everyone have to have a new glass when they have a different drink half an hour later? Would it be too much to ask for them to rinse it out and re-use the same glass?
And the rabbit ~ I adore him, he's lovely but he tracks sawdust and hay everywhere. 5 minutes after I've vacuumed the lounge ~ it's covered.
Here's a cute pic to show that I still love him :-)

(Note sawdust all over carpet around him?)

And I'm doing it all at the moment. I think that's why it's bothering me so much. Hubby never used to do all that much but with this broken wrist he's not doing anything and I'm feeling the pressure. I'm getting a tad fed-up now. I know it's not hubby's fault but I can't help feeling grrrrrr!

Okay, rant over ~ I'm going to try and find something positive to talk about for my next blog post. I'm not normally such a grumpy, moany person but patience is wearing a little thin at the moment ~ normal service will resume soon. Though what is normal for me nowadays is anyone's guess!

xxx

Healthy School Lunches...

2010-02-24T11:31:00.004Z

Not sure if I'm opening a can of worms here but I've got an issue to pick at.
School lunches. I send my children packed lunches as I cannot afford the £4 per day for both children to have school dinners.
Right, my (non-veggie/fruit eating) 8 year old son has sandwiches, packet of crisps, cereal bar, cheese-string and sometimes a chocolate. My (vegetarian) 10 year old daughter has a salad (lettuce, cabbage, cheese, carrots), cheesestring and a ricecake. Sometimes a chocolate as well.
Both of these are choices based on what they eat, what they like and will actually be eaten and not come back in their lunchboxes in the afternoon.

The reason I'm picking up on this issue at the moment is because the children have started coming home saying that the headteacher at the school is commenting on their lunches and there have been rumours that she may have actually removed a chocolate from a child's lunchbox (all 2nd/3rd hand so no confirmation of this ~ child may have misunderstood the intention?).
My issues with this:
a) If the school is changing their policy on lunchboxes, inform the parents ~ not the children.
b) They are my children and I feel that I should be able to feed them what I/they want, not be told what to feed them.
c) Although the school has a "healthy school initiative" with regard to hot school dinners, they have large puddings with each meal. Who is to tell me that my child cannot have certain things in their box but must sit next to a child having a piece of cake for pudding with their school dinner?

I was jokingly told that I was like a "pitbull" with the school nurse this morning when we had an informal coffee morning for parents at the school and she came in to "advise" us about healthy lunchboxes. Only about 12 mums there and we are the same old faces who are involved in school and our children, probably not the audience she was looking for, but never mind. An issue I feel strongly about and find that my enthusiastic/argumentative spark that has been missing since I lost Logan last year, is starting to come back, so no apologies for it.

How do you feel about "healthy" lunch boxes?
Does your school have a policy and do you agree with it/abide by it?
Do you insist your children have healthy items in their boxes? And do those healthy items come back home?
Do your children want certain items in their boxes because "everyone" has them? (Mine don't but a few of the Mums this morning said that it would be better to ban chocolate as the only reason children want it is because others have it.)

Okay and another issue that I've picked up on lately (also around school lunches); the children are not allowed to talk at lunchtime (in the dinnerhall). The school has 400 children, a small hall and an hour lunchtime = Chaos! They send children in and out according to when they finish, it's a case of "hurry up and eat so the next child can have your seat". They have to go and sit wherever there is a space so quite often end up away from their friends. So the school's solution: if the children don't talk and eat quicker, they can get them in and out of hall quicker. My complaint: eating is a social activity. We encourage our children to talk at the supper table as this is the only time we are able to sit down as a family and catch-up on the day. As far as I'm concerned ~ children aren't allowed to talk in class so please allow them to have their little social chat during lunch.

I'm a little concerned that I may have contributed to this as I mentioned, the last time that I saw the headteacher, that my daughter wasn't finishing her lunches because of time constraints (she has since started taking less food to make up for that). I'm not sure if the headteacher has decided to make it a silent hall to ensure the children all finish up their food. But surely there must be another alternative. Find another room for the older children to eat in. Seat them in a different way. Put whole classes together instead of in and out in drips and drabs. I don't know what the right solution is but surely there must be something better than a hasty, chaotic, uncomfortable meal.

Ok, rant over :-)

p.s After I told my children before school this morning that the headteacher may have an issue over chocolate in their lunchboxes ~ both children made a point of going to the treat drawer and putting a treatsize bar of choc in their lunchboxes. Ah, my dear babies take after their rebellious mother ~ I've obviously done something right :-)

xxx

February

2010-02-23T12:48:00.005Z

Omgosh ~ where on earth have you all been? Oh yes, it was me that the did the disappearing act, not you! Sorry about that.

So, what have you been up to the last 3 weeks?

Me? Not much really, though the time does seem to have gone very quickly. Hubby is off work with his broken wrist. Another 2 weeks at least now (according to his sick note). He's had the cast on for 3 weeks, they are hoping it will be healed enough to take it off next Monday, then he'll be in a splint for a while. And yes, he's driven me mad by being at home, all day, every day and not doing a damn thing. I know, I know, be gentle with him, he's in pain and can't really do much with only one arm but grrrrrr, it's been frustrating. It's the little things, that I guess I started to take for granted. Biggest one being that he drives, I don't. With no vehicle, it's been a bit tough, but managable. Then there's the things around the house that he normally does (and hasn't for 3 weeks) ~ not many things, admittedly, but a few things. Like doing the dishes after I've cooked the meal. Or even just helping with a meal, even if that just means getting things out the oven while I mix a sauce or something. Nothing. Not a thing. His arm is in cast so he can't bend it and it hurts so he's trying not to even pick things up. Okay, deep breath ~ I've had my little rant and I'm calm again. Phew, sorry about that folks.
He's been studying, which is good. He has an assignment due in mid-March so I guess it's good that he's using this time off work a little bit constructively.
But I'm sure other ladies at home will understand when I say, he's under my feet. Just there, when I've got my little routine going. Oh and I've discovered that I talk to myself (a lot). He keeps saying "what, did you say something?" and I have to mumble, "nope, just talking to myself (again)".

Right, better be off or I'll be late for my pilates class. Catch you later.
xxx

Everyone say awwww...Poor hubby.

2010-01-30T15:25:00.005Z

Hubby has broken his wrist. Poor love. But it's a pain in the butt!!
I don't drive ~ he now can't, so we're stuck. I've done online shopping, I walk the kids to school anyway, I have friends taking the children to and from after-school activities that I can't walk to and other friends taking hubby and I back and forth to hospital. Oh life is just so much fun at the moment.
It wasn't his fault, bless him, he was playing football (indoor hall) and someone decided to get a bit rough, needless to say hubby ended up slammed against a wall when someone did a sliding tackle on his legs. He put up his hands to save his face and ended up with a broken bone in his wrist. He's feeling sorry for himself and I'm not making it any better when I giggle while tying his shoelaces and washing his hair.
Not sure how long the cast is going to stay on for so not sure how long he'll be off work. No way he can drive and he would have to walk 2 miles and catch 2 buses to get to work ~ no fun with an aching broken arm.

Right, have to go now ~ hubby needs a cup of coffee and claims he can't make it with one arm ~ mmmm, me thinks he's pushing his luck a bit now.

xxx

So how's everyone?

2010-01-25T12:09:00.002Z

How has 2010 been treating you so far?
I'm doing okay. Having a little bit of denial at the mo ~ just carrying on and not stopping to feel. That's okay too.

Our little bunny, Rocky is keeping me surprisingly busy. I didn't realise how much work a little rabbit would be. He's a house rabbit ~ a decision I may live to regret. Chewed wires, sawdust everywhere and little bunny squeezing himself into the smallest spaces. Needs constant supervision when he's out of his cage but he's adorable.

I learnt how to do a byzantine chain last week and made a stunning bracelet ~ now to wait for a bit of sun to take a photo of it.

Hello there...

2010-01-15T12:10:00.003Z

I don't have time right now to do a full blog post but realised that I've neglected it a bit the last two weeks, so thought I'd just stop by and say HI!

Between the snow days (loads of them, see pic above) where I had kids needing attention and food and work that has been coming in and visitors from Australia and my birthday and... well you get the idea. I've been a bit busy.

Went to a school pta function (coffee morning) this morning and discovered my spark. Yes that little spark that makes me question and discuss and talk. Omg where did that come from? It was fun to have it back, though I'll probably be unpopular from being too outspoken again (instead of no-one speaking to me in case I cry).

Right, I'm off to a meeting with my counsellor, think it will probably be one of my last. I'm doing okay, and if I'm not, I can deal with that too.

Stay warm everyone.

Helen
xxx

New Year's Resolutions?

2010-01-04T12:27:00.003Z

Do you do them?
Do you keep up with them?

I made a few last year (and I'm sure if you scroll back far enough you'll find them, I personally can't be arsed) but I seem to remember it was about being more patient with the children, spending more time with the hubby, try and grow my 3 businesses a bit more ~ that sort of thing.
Mmm, I tried. I really did. But then I lost Logan and it kinda screwed up my world, in soooo many ways.
I am more patient with the children, well, I try to be. They are such wonderful children, they really are. They've been great support and comfort over the last seven months and I'm not sure I would have had the will to carry on at some points without them. I just seem to lose my temper too quickly. Okay, try that one again this year.

Hubby and I seem to be ships passing in the night and I don't see that changing over the next 6 months. He's just accepted a new position at work and I'm trying to work on my 3 businesses, so erm, work on that one again this year.

Try and grow the 3 businesses... well, I'll try that again too. I've been given a lovely boost by a fellow Misi crafter who very kindly nominated me for a Mumpreneur award. How awesome is that?!

So a New Year's resolution to add to the above. Stop putting so much pressure on myself!
If something isn't finished the second it is due, it's not the end of the world and I don't need to work myself to death to do it.
I've always been a perfectionist and that's okay, but it's also okay if something is not 100% to me. It's actually normally already 100% to someone else.

Best Wishes for 2010 everyone. Let's hope this year is filled with positive vibes!

Helen
xxx

New to Misi

2009-12-17T12:45:00.003Z

I recently introduced my artistic friend, Lorna to Misi.

We've now listed a few of her paintings and I thought I'd show you all what she's been up to...

Visit Lorna's Reflections to see a few more examples of her work. Oh and we created a groovycart shop for her too...
I'm used to taking photos of jewellery so still getting the hang of taking photos of her gorgeous paintings. Bear with us ;-)

Helen
xxx

Rocky the Rabbit...

2009-12-10T14:03:00.004Z

Rocky is the new addition to our family. I suddenly decided that I couldn't spend this Christmas with empty arms so we have found ourselves a little rabbit. He's a mini lop. Born on 4th October 2009. Opal (grey) coloured and adorable.
One ear doesn't quite "lop", making him seem even more adorable. He's going to be a houserabbit so we've set him up with a cage in the corner of the lounge. The kids adore him already.
Ain't he cute?

He's been in our house for nearly two days and I'm still trying to get up the nerve to give him a proper cuddle. I'm now terrified I'll break him. I've stroked him, cleaned out his cage and even had him almost climb on my lap. Taking it slow.

xxx

Too much choice...

2009-12-06T09:47:00.002Z

I decided to go with Cathy's suggestion for a Christmas themed blog but with different/non-Christmassy colours.
Actually there is a lot on Misi and I mean A LOT of choice. Both Christmassy colours and non-Christmassy colours, so I've decided to just type in the word Christmas in the search box and see what catches my eye... here goes...

Ok, obviously as a chocolate lover, this from The Chocolate Truffle Co caught my eye immediately. I knew there was a better way to get my Five a Day...

This very different Christmas tree by Jackie Collett ~ it's knitted.

And I think just one more thing for today...
A little bit of fun with a Christmassy Hat from Saff Wood.

That's all for now folks. Daughter is dragging me away to do some watercolour painting with her, will let you know how it turns out.

Oh and by the way ~ we are getting a rabbit!
More details to follow...

Helen
xxx

Choices, choices...

2009-12-02T09:39:00.003Z

I decided this morning that I would do a Misi Finds Blog but... on what subject/theme?
I'm stumped!
I'm trying to think positively and was wondering about doing a Christmas one, but perhaps something a bit different?
So I've decided to hand the choice over to you ~ my one or two loyal readers...

What would you like me to find for you on Misi? Christmas presents for Daddies or something special for someone special? Or... ?
Help please!

Post a few options and I'll put something up on Friday or Saturday.

xxx

Oh and while I'm here...
Here's something I made earlier...

Hello World...

2009-11-24T12:15:00.005Z

I think I might be ready to enter the world again.
Small steps I think, but I'm feeling a little more human again. I can hold a conversation without tears, I can concentrate on work for more than 5 minutes at a time, I can create jewellery again.
Now, how does one get back into the world of the Living without too much drama... will have to try and figure that one out...

Hope you are all keeping well, and thank you for putting up with all my self-pitying posts over the last 5 months. I'm sure that it's not all going to be sunny and roses from now on but hopefully the blog won't be as dark and dismal as it has been.

My daughter took this photo while we were on holiday... A little ray of light/hope.

And... I'm back

2009-11-19T14:51:00.003Z

Hubby and son in sea, daughter watching...

Had a lovely holiday, thanks everyone.
I would recommend Lanzarote in the winter ~ warm but not suffocately hot. Kids loved the holiday village that we stayed in, catered for children very well.

Last Thursday was hard, made harder by the fact that I didn't want to ruin the children's holiday by being miserable all day. I found out during this holiday just how aware and sensitive my 9 year old daughter is. Awesome child. On the 12th she threw a wobbly because her daddy wouldn't let her buy a butterfly necklace that she had seen. (hubby wouldn't let her because we were in Lanzarote and the necklace was made in UK ~ seemed a little silly) So anyway, we eventually found her a butterfly necklace (yes, had to be a butterfly) that was made in Lanzarote. Later in the evening I asked her if she knew what the day was and she said "yes, it's the day that Logan would have been born". *cue teary eyes* "And that's why I wanted that necklace so much" *cue really teary eyes*. (To explain ~ butterflies are my symbol of Logan ~ that's what my tattoo is about.) She picked up on that, knew the date and was sensitive enough to want some connection to me and to Logan. Awesome daughter also spent the holiday shielding me from babies. Everytime we saw a little baby (the place was bloody swarming with the adorable little buggers), she would gentle lean on me or hug me, distract me. For a 9 year old she was so aware and sensitive.

Went to the counsellor again today. I did try during the holiday to "not sweat the small stuff" but I couldn't manage the "let your feelings out" bit. I ended up doing that today. The room that the counsellor used today was the room where I was told that the midwife couldn't find a heartbeat. I knew I would have to go in there eventually but was not prepared for it today. Cried loads this morning and have been close to tears all day ~ don't want to feel like this but at least now I know that it's okay to feel like this. The counsellor is picking up on how much I try and be perfect and how I try to control everything. She noticed the pendant I was wearing ~ made by me ~ (see pic below) and she said, wow, it's so perfect, symetrical, lovely BUT can you make one that isn't? I said I wasn't sure, all my designs are normally quite symmetrical and I try really hard to get everything balanced and accurate. So my challenge this week from my counsellor... to create a non-symetrical, impulsive, messy design and take it to show her when I go back in two weeks.

Right then, I'm off...

2009-11-06T17:55:00.003Z

I'm going on holiday on Sunday. I won't be in this country for what should have been my baby's day of birth. I think I made the right decision, I hope I made the right decision. It's going to be a hard day, wherever we are, so I'm going to spend it in the sun.
Think of me on Thursday the 12th, when I will be thinking of a little angel who should have been with us.

I've been to the counsellor twice now. Yeah, not bad actually. She's helping me see how much much pressure I put on myself. I'm constantly saying "I should be doing... I should be feeling..." and she said I must think the next time I say that "why?" Why should I feel a certain way, why should I be acting in a certain way? What I'm feeling is real, so allow myself to feel that way. I said I was so scared of going back to that very dark place that I found myself in a few months ago. And she said "why?" and I was like, well it was horrible and I cried all the time. And she said, "do you feel like that now" and I admitted that no, I feel a bit better, I managed to get myself out of the dark place. And so she said "so if you end up back there, you can get yourself out?" Erm, yes I guess... "so what would be so bad about letting yourself feel again, knowing that if you do start to feel low, you can get yourself back out?" Mmmmm, interesting thought. I can sit and cry, it will be okay, I don't have to block all the sadness because I can get myself back.

I've put all my shops in holiday mode and put all my email addresses in out-of-office mode and I'm going offline tonight.
I will be back "online" on the 18th. Hopefully with a slightly more positive attitude and a well-rested mind/body/soul.

Bye everyone, have a fab weekend/week.

xxx

I wish you...

2009-10-26T09:05:00.001Z

Saw this on another blog and it touched a nerve... particularly one paragraph...

I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby.The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn't mean he doesn't deserve your recognition

I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you

I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten him and that you do care and understand

I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care

I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.
I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently

I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.

I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasnt't really a baby and he was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby's body and face. My baby was real person - and he was alive

I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this

I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect no matter what you think nature is saying

I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.
I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are

My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby was born and the day I lost him are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you'll still like me
I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him. Babies aren't interchangeable.

I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again

xxx

Spiders...

2009-10-25T18:40:00.006Z

Not particularly keen on the little eight-legged bugs but I did get creative and make a few beaded ones...

Sold the green spider to the hostess of the jewellery party that I did last night ~ went very well.
I sold a good amount and made a bit of money towards our holiday spending money. I ended up taking all my stock and put most of it on the table. I wasn't sure if I was overwhelming the buyer and I definitely won't put that much out at a fayre, but it seemed to work because the ladies were able to hang around and come back and forth to the display table.
Nice confidence boost for me too.

xxx

I finally made something...

2009-10-20T09:39:00.005+01:00

Was beginning to think my crafting mojo had taken a major vacation but I managed to make something yesterday.
I spent the money that was in my paypal account (earned from a few sales) and I bought some beads from a fellow Misi crafter who was having a destash. The new beads inspired me a bit and I made this...

I also sat and made a few other things but was particularly pleased with this.
I'm doing a jewellery party this weekend at a friend's house. My first so I hope it goes well.
I'm going to take this necklace with me and if it doesn't sell then I'll list it in my Misi shop on Monday.

xxx

Now, where was I...?

2009-10-14T11:57:00.004+01:00

... oh yes, I was picking up the pieces of my life...
Apologies for my complete disappearance for the last month. I fell apart, yep, finally lost it all. I really didn't know what to do with myself / how to feel / how to act for a while there, but I think I've found myself again. Not completely... not sure I'll ever be "normal" again, new kind of normal, I think.
So what have I done these past four weeks, besides see the GP a few times, my ex-midwife (in an attempt to understand) and a counsellor (yes, they found a gap for me after three and a half weeks instead of ten, very good)... and I went on a workshop, a therapy workshop, a "self-help" workshop. Oh dear, what have I become? No, actually it was good. One of my clients, as I may have previously mentioned, is a therapist and she wanted me to attend one of her workshops to get a better understanding of what she does so that I may assist her better. It came as the right time, I needed some time in a completely different environment to ground myself and learn where I want to be. I stayed in a 400 year old cottage and met some lovely, sincere people, I did all the self-examination exercises and breathing exercises.
I came back home, after nearly 4 days away from my family and I was able to talk to hubby about a lot of things that we've never really covered... about his childhood and mine, about how we both felt about the loss of our baby (besides the obvious devastation that I felt) and about where we want to go from here. Nope, still haven't brought up the "can we have another one?" question, not sure if that is something I want to ask yet. But I did manage to ask another question that was at the back of my mind... how did he really feel about our loss? I finally felt strong enough to listen and hear that he was sad, sad for me more than anything. I realised that I was so connected to this little baby but hubby had not really got to that point yet when we lost him. So he felt sad and worried about me but was not grieving the way I was.

I read somewhere this morning that tomorrow is Babyloss awareness day. Nope, not quite ready to handle that day. Sorry folks, tomorrow I will be... burying my head in the sand and pretending nothing is wrong. Maybe next year I can help make people more aware of the loss and pain that we Babyloss Mummies feel, but not now, it's still too new, too raw, too painful.

I'm finally able to start counting down to the holiday, yes, I'm still counting those weeks until we should have had a newborn baby in our arms but I can feel a bit of excitement towards the holiday now too.

xxx

The flaw in women...

2009-09-18T14:55:00.005+01:00

As you probably have realised by now I'm not exactly religious, however I received this email today and it touched me. Not religiously but spiritually.
Women are strong ~ stronger than we realise!

The One Flaw In Women

By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.

An angel appeared and said,
'Why are you spending so much time on this one?'
And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything with only two hands.'

The angel was astounded at the requirements.
'Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day..
Wait until tomorrow to finish.'

'But I won't, ' the Lord protested.
'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick AND, can work 18 hour days.'

The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
'But you have made her so soft, Lord.'
'She is soft,' the Lord agreed,
'but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.'

'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
'Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate.'

The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one..'

'That's not a leak,' the Lord corrected, 'that's a tear!'
'What's the tear for?' the angel asked.

The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride.'
The angel was impressed.
'You are a genius, Lord, you thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing.'

And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take 'no' for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left ...
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends..
Women have vital things to say and everything to give

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

xxxx

Don't forget to enter for AMAZING prizes...

2009-09-18T09:43:00.001+01:00

Only one more week to enter the Amazing Autumn Misi Blog Giveaway...

Everyone has chosen such lovely favourites from Misi, my Christmas list just grew again :-)

Please tell all your friends about it.

10 weeks...

2009-09-14T12:57:00.003+01:00

Not sure what to do now. Been to the GP this morning and he referred me for counselling. I phoned mental health as instructed. Waiting list is 10 weeks. I've had a look on the internet for an alternative but the only counselling is fee-based. I can't afford to pay to talk to someone. Lady at mental health says I must lean on the support I have and call her if it gets really bad and she'll try to squeeze me in. Really bad being...? Was hoping to sort myself out before really bad. Also, support being my poor hubby who is starting to think his dear wife is becoming a little unhinged now.
GP said it sounds like I'm not just grieving but also depressed, do I want anti-depressants? No, I didn't then, but after hearing that I'm going to have to wait 10 weeks (1 week after Logan's due date), now I'm thinking drugs might just be a good idea. Got to go back to GP next Monday with a little questionaire. Basically a "how crap are you feeling" questionaire. Yeah, pretty crap ~ easy to answer that one. Wouldn't have gone to the docs if I didn't feel crap.

Spent half the weekend in tears. Went to a bbq and kept having to force myself to stop crying and be polite to the lovely lady who had just announced she is pregnant. Ended up with one hell of a headache.

Client phoned this morning and caught me at an off moment ~ going to have to be a lot more sensible about when I answer my work phone. I'm busy thinking of all the things I should have done and said to client but instead, I basically grunted and agreed along with what she was saying and took the first available opportunity to hang up. Bad for VA business.

Might go for a little nap before I pick up the children. Not in a creative mood at all today. Oh dear, what happened to Friday's positive attitude?
xxx

I received a kick up the butt...

2009-09-11T11:21:00.005+01:00

Well deserved I might add.
I had a very bad day yesterday, couldn't stop crying. I was low, probably the lowest I've been in a long time. I kept away from everyone and dragged myself out of it today but was having a little whine to a friend ~ this friend is someone who I see on the playground and who I quite regularly chat to, she's got fab business sense and ideas ~ and I think she felt a little sorry for me as she volunteered to help me with The Beading Lady, just take a look and throw a few ideas around.
She came to my house and listened to me whining for a little while about how sad I feel and how I have no friends as I feel I've pushed them all away over the last few months and she said "have you gone for counselling?" No, I said, I feel like a bit of a fraud because as low as I was yesterday I'm alright now. And she told me I wasn't and that I need to go speak to someone. (I've made an appointment at the doc for Monday morning now).
Anyway we chatted about jewellery ideas and during it we chatted about counselling and why I feel low and she started to point out all the negative things and all the positive things that I was saying and telling me how I could focus on what was good, what was going well, the friends that haven't allowed themselves to be pushed away, the amazing people on Misi who look out for each other and have been so supportive to me.
Don't get me wrong, she didn't say, oh get over it and think positive and everything was all magically better. No, but she did remind me that although I'm allowed to be sad and to grieve for Logan, the rest of my life is going ok, that there are good things and good people in my life.

Thank you Kirsten.
xxx

** just to add: a different friend tried to get me to see the positives and think of all the good things, but that was 2 weeks after losing Logan and I was not ready to hear anything at that time. Think this must be a sign that I'm moving forward?

The Amazing Autumn Misi Blog Giveaway!!

2009-09-05T12:51:00.003+01:00

There are some amazing prizes to win on this giveaway.

Please head over there and enter.

The Amazing Autumn Misi Blog Giveaway

xxx

Holidays are nearly finished.

2009-09-01T10:09:00.005+01:00

The children go back to school next Wednesday and although I've loved having the kids around, they are starting to get sick of each other's company. Poor loves. I have a business call this morning but perhaps I can take them for a walk a bit later ~ before it starts to rain.

******

Had a bit of a meltdown last Thursday. We were counting down until our holiday and I realised that maybe it wasn't so clever to book a holiday for Logan's due date because I am now extremely aware of how long it is until the date that I should have had a newborn baby in my arms. Went into meltdown on Thursday and it's taken a little while to get through it and now of course, I have a cold ~ just to add insult to injury, I feel sick, miserable and tired.

*****

On a much happier note, I am organising a giveaway on the MisiUK Blog ~ I asked for a few donations from the Misi crafters and was overwhelmed by the fantastic response. There are some very generous people on Misi. I'll be posting more details on Saturday and will let you all know about it so that you can enter too. There's some fab prizes to win!

*****

My little project this weekend was Friendship Bracelets...

The blue and black one on the far right is the one that I've made for myself and it's tied on ~ the others are just to show you what I've been doing. :-)

xxx

Out of the mouths of babes...

2009-08-26T09:07:00.002+01:00

Or in this case, my son, James.
Talking very gently as though not sure of my reaction.
"Mummy, you still have a baby belly" (What we were calling my pregnant tummy)
Me: "I know, honey, I know". What I could have said... "I know, it comes from 2 and a half pregnancies and 3 months of comfort eating anything that isn't nailed down."

*****

Must tell you about the discussion Michelle and I had yesterday. When we lost Logan, a very special friend from Misi made me a beaded snowflake with the May birthstone in. Yesterday, we received 4 more ~ one for each member of our family, each with our own special birthstone in.

I took them upstairs and asked Michelle if she wanted hers in her bedroom or whether I should hang them all together on my window. She said she'd like all the family together, so I hung them in my window. After I'd hung them all she asked why Logan's snowflake was higher than everyone else's so I said because he was watching over us and she went Huh? I said, Logan is our guardian angel and he's looking after us. Huge smile from Shelle, watery eyes from Mummy.
Not sure if I believe in guardian angels but it's made Michelle feel very special.

xxx

Love this one...

2009-08-24T08:46:00.001+01:00

Found this on a fellow Mummy's blog... A little space for me... and decided I just had to share with you...

True Friendship - None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those piss weak ’friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. Just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.

——————————–

1. When you are sad – I will help you get hammered and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue – I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile – I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared – I will tease you about it every chance I get until you’re NOT.

5. When you are worried – I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until you stop whingeing.

6. When you are confused – I will try to use only little words…

7. When you are sick -Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

8. When you fall – I will laugh at your clumsy arse, but I’ll help you up.

9. This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end. ‘Why?’ you may ask… because you are my friend.

——————————–

Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends,

Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Calmer today

2009-08-23T20:12:00.004+01:00

I'm feeling calmer. It just hits me, suddenly and sometimes I can't quite cope. As I went to bed last night I gave hubby a hug and said, "It's 12 weeks, did you know?" He knew instantly what I was talking about and said "No". And I said "I did". And he said "I'm sorry, honey". He doesn't keep track like I do, I don't even know I'm doing it but I wish I could stop. But he's here and loving me, that's what I need from him.
This morning we were talking about the fact that I'd had a glass of wine and he'd had a few glasses of vodka** last night. He said he'd gone to bed lovely and numb and I said I wish I could do the same and he asked me why I didn't. My answer, I don't want to drink for the wrong reasons. If I drink to numb the pain then I'll be drinking for the wrong reasons ~ it will be so much easier to do it everytime I feel a bit sad and then I won't want to stop. (**just as an aside, hubby doesn't drink very much or very often, he partied hard in his youth and doesn't fancy repeating all that**)
I'm comfort eating instead. Have put on a stupid amount of weight in the past 12 weeks. Went from eating nothing to eating everything. And of course, now I feel fat, which makes me feel worse, so I eat to make myself feel better. Anyone see a vicious circle here? I've started getting out more, doing more in the gardening, going walking and even stepping on the wii fit. In September, I'm hoping to sign up for the belly-dancing class that I quit when I found out I was pregnant. Now, I just have to get control of the eating...

****

Ok, change of subject...
Can't remember if I mentioned (and I'm not going to search through all my depressing posts to find out) but I opened a Groovycart shop.
Have just added a few more items to it, namely this necklace that I'm so tempted to keep because it just looks so nice with my black top...

You like?

xxx

It's no biggie...

2009-08-22T21:48:00.004+01:00

It's just that it's been 12 weeks ~ exactly, I mean, to the minute exactly, since I held my dead baby in my hand for a moment before I freaked out.
I've hit numb again.
I'm going to go and lie down...

xxx

Why is it so quiet around here?

2009-08-18T10:35:00.002+01:00

Oh yes, now I remember ~ the children are on holiday, with Granny ~ 80 miles away from me :-(
I cried, yes okay I confess, I cried when they left. I didn't let them see, I held it together until the train pulled away yesterday morning, but I cried.
It's only 3 days, they'll be back tomorrow night but it's the first time that they've really been away from home since we lost Logan and I'm missing them soooo much.

It's so quiet and I've managed to do almost everything on my To Do list ~ you know the one that grows every day, even though you are ticking off items every day. The only thing left for today is the Accounts. The Accounts has been on the list for about 5 days ~ in fact, it's top of the list, everything under it has been done, but I've never quite managed to do the Accounts, something else always seems to get in the way. The pile of paper is growing (I have 3 businesses all creating little bits of paper) and it is really threatening to take over my desk, I really do need to do it. And I'll probably sit here typing nonsense for the next 3 hours to avoid doing it. It's not that it's difficult or complicated really, but because I have got behind in it (not input the data onto my spreadsheets since early July) it makes the job twice as time-consuming. Yes, logically I should not have let it get behind in the first place, then I would have less to catch up on AND if I catch up now, it will be less effort later, logically :-) Whoever said I was logical?

xxx

The Official Misi Blog...

2009-08-14T13:37:00.001+01:00

Guess whose an editor on the Official Misi Blog?

Me :-)

My first interview with a Misi crafter for the Misi Blog is here. Read all about the talented Hennie.

xxx

Surviving

2009-08-12T22:28:00.005+01:00

Yep, we're surviving.
I was telling hubby about a few of the blogs that I read, the ones that I read with tears in my eyes. I was telling him about a Mamma whose child had been stillborn after 38 weeks of carrying her precious little bundle, her perfect child came out but didn't breathe. I was telling hubby and he said, wow, I wouldn't be able to cope with that. I think my first instinct was to agree but then I said, I didn't think I would survive what we have just been through but we have.
It's amazing what you can survive, what you can cope with. It's the hardest thing I have ever have to deal with and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, no mother should have to feel that kind of pain ~ ever!

When I found out that I was pregnant, I didn't think that anything would go wrong, why would it, I've had two healthy pregnancies with natural births, why would anything be different this time. It was. I don't know why it was but obviously Logan wasn't meant to be with us. On my worst days, I blame myself, on my better days ~ it was just meant to be.

I'm still in two minds about whether I should push hubby about trying again. On my good days, I would love to be pregnant again and have a healthy full-term baby. On my worst, omg, what if I lose another one... How would I cope, how would hubby cope, how would the kids cope? I think hubby is more worried about losing me after my close call than losing a baby.
To him, Logan was a pregnancy, to me, he was already a baby.

xxx

At the end of the Rainbow... Misi Goodies

2009-08-05T15:44:00.003+01:00

Right, I've had enough of the rain ~ let's find something positive about rain...erm, ok, give me a minute... ah-ha got it!! Sometimes there's a rainbow!!
And if you don't have one, let's find a few on Misi for you...

A rainbow framed artwork by Starflower...

From Miss Crafty, this lovely choker and earrings set...

A gorgeous baby blanket from Knitknacks...

Pretty bracelets from 2steps...

A rainbow zebra comfort blanket from Rainbow Crafts...

From BaggyT's... rainbow fleece wrist warmers...

Last but not least a bright and cheery handspun rainbow scarf from Zoe @ Knitz & Bitz...

Hope you find your own rainbow... there's loads on Misi...

xxx

Erm, what now?

2009-08-04T21:52:00.003+01:00

I've had a few rough moments over the last few days, although overall I thought I was doing better. I thought that I'd managed to stop counting every single day/week, until someone asked me something and I said, it's been 9 weeks, that's it 9 weeks, I didn't even think or hesitate, I knew, I hadn't stopped counting, though I've tried. I don't want to be sitting here counting down until November, I don't, but it seems that I'm automatically keeping track of "that" time without even thinking.

My rough moments this weekend... I went to a swimming pool with the kids ~ sent them off to swim and sat down to watch, next to a lady, a lady who had a baby, a baby that looked maybe one or two weeks old. I'm ashamed to say that I moved, I couldn't do it, I couldn't sit next to her with that adorable baby BOY laying there in her arms, all beautiful and healthy, I was a wimp and moved :-(

The other wobbly moment was last night, my friend and I went to the movies and on the way back there was a detour, a detour that took us past the cremetorium, the cremetorium where Logan was taken. I've never been to it and I'm not sure I ever could, but it was hard to think that was where he had been, 9 weeks ago, I don't know how I managed to carry on talking about the movie and her workmates and all sorts of other gossip until we got home, without crumbling but I did, poor hubby couldn't understand why I came back in upset, I was going to see a romantic comedy.

So, what now, how do I continue on with all these little wobbly moments, I'm assuming they will fade but they hit me so suddenly and so hard sometimes, when I'm not expecting them, when I'm not strong enough to handle them and poor hubby comes into a room to find me crying (again).

Ok, out of the self-pity hole...

I'm keeping extremely busy at the moment, I've been given an opportunity to test my skills and do some audio transcription work (something I've never done before) for a fellow Virtual Assistant, taking a little bit of her overflow work. It's been a good distraction and will bring in some much-needed money but it's tiring, so very, very tiring. And of course, it's school holidays... luckily hubby is booked off on leave for this week and next so he's been taking the kids out for a few hours each day, keeping them busy and active (and out of my hair).

xxx

I've been tagged...

2009-08-01T22:09:00.003+01:00

...2 weeks ago, apparently. Sorry Amanda, I had even read that post on your blog but didn't even realise that I was one of the tagged. I shall remedy that now...
It's a list of random getting to know you questions, you then have to tag 8 other people...

Your current obsession: Butterflies ~ all my jewellery, my tattoo, the cards I'm making ~ all seem to have butterflies on them.
Weirdest Obsession: can't think of one?!
What are you Wearing: loose linen trousers, a vest top and a fleece jacket.
What is for Dinner: Had left-over gammon sandwiches.
Favourite Book: Love The Discworld Series by Terry Pratchett, if I had to choose a fav of them it would prob have to be Soul Music.
Last Thing you Bought: A grey cardigan with flowing sleeves.
What can you hear right now: Hubby laughing at something on TV.
Favourite flavour of Ice Cream: I love Ben & Jerry Cookie Dough.
What do you think of the person who tagged you: I only know her through the cyber community but she seems to be a very sincere person.
Where in the world would you go if I gave you a plane ticket: South Africa ~ but I would have to buy 3 more tickets to take kids back to the country of their birth and hubby to visit his sisters. (it would have to be a return ticket though)
Which language would you learn: Spanish or French.
Who do you want to meet right now: Would love to meet a few of the Misi ladies in person as they have been really supportive during a really difficult time for me.
Favourite Colour: Deep blue
Favourite item of clothing: My new flowing cardi.
What size shoes are you: 6 to 6 and half
You have £100 to spare, what will you buy: I'd probably take the kids to a theme park or something similar ~ family day out treat.
Favourite time of day: Not a morning person, evening is better for me, prob that half an hour after I've put the kids to bed and I can chill before becoming so tired that I go off to bed myself.
Who's style do you most admire: Mm, not sure, def don't like the WAG's / celebrity posh styles.
What is your own style: Lol, don't think I really have one. Little bit of everything. Very relaxed. Used to be quite hippy but then I conformed when I started working at an office.
What are you going to do next: Go to bed
Favourite Films: Love Actually, Dirty Dancing
Favourite Fruit: Satsumas.
What inspires you: Colours in nature. Normally totally random things.
What Music is your favourite this week: I tend to listen to whatever is on the radio at the time ~ not fussed.
Do you have a dream job: Owning a craft shop with cafe & gallery (Can I be your business partner Amanda?).
What is stopping you: Lack of money
What would you change in the world: Tell everyone to stop fighting. So simple but would never happen.
Favourite animal: Cat.
Favourite Tool: 3 in 1 pliers.
What would your job have been in Victorian times: Housemaid in the royal palace.

My tag victims are:
The Crystal Lady
Cathy
Jennie
Jean ~ Tollykit
Nicky ~ Enchanted
Hennie
Lisa ~ Designs by Isis
Madame Salami

I made something new today :-)

2009-07-30T18:59:00.002+01:00

A butterfly bookmark birthday card... what do you think?
I've listed it on Misi for £4.50 ~ fair price?

I also created a groovycart shop yesterday with a new domain name that I bought. www.thebeadinglady.me.uk ~ cute hey?
I can sell direct through there as well as Misi, Etsy, etc. I've had to add the postage price to the items on there because I couldn't figure how to give reduced postage for multiple buys and decided this was the easiest option. I've put all the prices at about 20p less than item+postage is on the other sites as I'm not having to pay a site fee.

Last minutes entries

2009-07-29T21:33:00.002+01:00

I was doing a bit of blog cruising this evening ~ anything to avoid the transcription typing that I should be doing :-)

Anyway... I stopped by the Crystal Lady's Blog and found that she's got another competition going.

Enter her competition to win one of three beautiful rings here.

But be quick ~ competition closes on 31st July!

Separate lives and school holidays

2009-07-28T15:36:00.003+01:00

I was thinking of creating a separate blog for my "dealing with loss" issues,thinking that my followers might be getting quite confused by my extreme mood and subject changes but then I decided that this blog is more for me than it is for them (apologies, readers) and my life is like that at the moment ~ up one minute, down the next. Bear with me people, it will get calmer.

*****************

School holidays ~ I was really looking forward to the school hols and am totally loving having the kids home but I've realised how much of a basketcase I am. Having the children home means I have to remember mealtimes and playdates, it means I can't spend the morning curled up in bed crying but it does mean I'm distracted by their antics.

xxx

Autonomous Artisans...

2009-07-26T09:19:00.002+01:00

And the Artisan of the week is.... Me!

The Beading Lady on Autonomous Artisan.

xxx

**This interview was done 5 months ago. It's so bittersweet ~ it was the day that I found out that I was pregnant with Logan.

8 weeks...

2009-07-25T15:48:00.003+01:00

That's how long ago I lost a little part of my heart. It's just a dull ache now, doesn't hurt as painfully as it did those first few weeks. It feels like there is a little something missing from my life and I don't think that pain will ever completely go away ~ though from talking to other people who have experienced this loss, it will not hurt as much over time...
I cry at baby adverts, still can't walk through the baby section of the supermarket without getting a lump in my throat and envy every pregnant woman I see in the streets but I'm coping.

I read a blog the other day (another lady who had lost a baby) and she was talking about the happy/sad contradiction. I'm sad, deep-down in my soul sad, but I'm happy.
I am happy that I have a wonderful, supportive husband.
I am happy that I have two beautiful, healthy children.
I am happy that (at the moment) I am able to be home for the children and doing something I love.
I am happy that I survived that night 8 weeks ago ~ it wasn't a sure thing at one point.
I am happy that we have a home (even if it's rented).
I am happy that my cousin and one of my best friends are going to be blessed with beautiful baby girls over the next month or so.
I am happy.
But I'm also sad.

I've changed ~ I know and accept this. I have a little bit of trouble with normality still. I used to go on the playground at pick-up time and approach people for a chat ~ I'm much less out-going right now. I'm not sure if this will change in the future, I hope so, but I know that I've lost friends because of it. They think I'm snubbing them and I'm sure it looks like I'm being very selfish and self-absorbed. I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry that I've lost friends because of it, but this is how I'm coping. Thank you to all those people that have stayed around and taken me as I am.

I've had a few people say that I should appreciate that I have two healthy children already but would they say that if something had happened to Michelle or James? "Oh don't worry, at least you still have the other one". Omg, can you actually imagine anyone saying that? No, so why do they say that about Logan? He was still my baby, our lives had already begun adapting to include him ~ even though he wasn't even in this world yet. I do appreciate my two lovely children and during the next 6 weeks (summer holidays) I am going to try and appreciate every moment that we have together ~ even the arguments :-)

I should have been 24 weeks pregnant this week, but life doesn't always work out as we think it should. I'm grateful for what I have but that doesn't mean I can't mourn for what I have lost.

xxx

Misi Goodies... Flutterbyes...

2009-07-24T08:17:00.005+01:00

I have a slight obsession with butterflies at the moment. It seemed that every time that I had a doubt last weekend, everytime I thought that I shouldn't get the tattoo ~ I saw a butterfly. It seemed like a sign. So now I have my stunning butterfly tattoos and I feel more at peace. I am approaching the 8 week mark ~ tomorrow will be 8 weeks since we lost Logan, and I'm still trying to find ways to cope.
Distraction technique number 1 is my kids ~ going swimming again today.
Distraction technique number 2 is my blog ~ Misi goodies here we come...

Right first on my Misi goodies list today is from Flutter Designs ~ someone who loves butterflies as much as I do...

Next is a beautiful painting from East of the Sun ~ stunning!

Isn't this little taggie from Oh Sew Nice sooooo cute?

A lovely Spring Birthday card from Pauline's Passions...

A very special piece of jewellery from Tiny Moments ~ I have one of these as a remembrance necklace with all 3 of my children's names on tags and it's gorgeous.

Something to cheer your little girl up when shopping from Daisyfleur...

A beautifully painted toybox from With Hugs and Kisses...

And just one last item ~ one of mine...

Hope you've enjoyed our little tour around Misi butterflies :-)
There are loads more on Misi.
xxx

I did it...

2009-07-20T12:00:00.003+01:00

I went this morning and got myself a tattoo on the inside of my right wrist/arm.
It's a symbolic one. 3 Butterflies representing my 2 children and one angel.
It's my first and probably my last tattoo. I'm really pleased with it.

What do you think?

xxx

Misi Goodies... Teddy Bears

2009-07-18T09:10:00.008+01:00

I love teddy bears so thought I would do a teddy bear blog about a few of the teddies on Misi ~ I was quite surprised how many there are on there, I was soooo spoilt for choice!

So I'll start with Poor Little Ollie, whose looking for a good home. He was made with Love by Jean from Little Scruffs I have one of Jean's lovely bears, she kindly allowed me to name him Logan and he is so special to me. Beautifully crafted, excellent quality bears.

Next I'll show you Rags from Tollykit. Isn't he just the most gentle-looking creature?

Please will someone adopt this poor little soul from Reeneegurumi, he's just too adorable to be left on his own like that.

I would like to introduce you to Gwen from Merrygobears isn't she just so dignified and posh, yet at the same time totally endearing?

Here's another miniature, this time from Martha's Makes ~ you can see how tiny he is by comparing him to the little thimble.

How stunning is Daniel ~ the Blue Mohair bear from Pawprints.

Ok, just one more because I couldn't resist... from Cute Designs ~ this little pin badge.

All these terrific teddies are available through Misi ~ go and see how many other teddies you can find...

xxx

*** Apologies for the layout ~ I was trying something new and it didn't work, and I just don't have the time/energy right now to fix it.

Reggae Charm

2009-07-14T09:28:00.004+01:00

Update on the bagcharm/keyring that I made for my brother for his laptop bag.
This is the original...

He liked the basic principle but thought it was a bit too dangly for him.

We discussed options and I did a rework and here's the final product.

No fair :-(

2009-07-13T14:20:00.002+01:00

It always hits me when I least expect it.
Today I was having an alright day ~ it's been just over 6 weeks and it's my son's 8th birthday, nice and distracting and I'm getting stronger. Until a parcel arrived. About 2 months ago, I applied for some free baby things through the internet ~ they arrived today. Crap, crap, crap! It's just not cool.
Good thing hubby can't see me now. He admitted yesterday that he's relieved at how well I'm dealing with our loss ~ he was concerned at first that I may need medical (i.e. chemical) intervention. I wonder sometimes...

xxx

How awesome are my kids?

2009-07-09T20:56:00.005+01:00

Pretty awesome as it happens.
When I'm at my lowest, I can rely on Michelle and James to help bring me back. I am so thankful that they are in my life. Here are a few of my high points this week...

James and Michelle had their school reports this week and though we now have written proof that our daughter only puts "adequate effort" into her work, "is very easily distracted and very chatty" and "could achieve better if she tried" both reports told us that our children are achieving above their required levels in all subjects and are friendly, well-liked and respectful to others ~ what more could we ask for? To be honest, most of mine and my brother's reports always said "not living up to their potential, could do better, etc". I would say that is what is written on most reports? Or was it just ours?

Michelle achieved another badge at swimming and has now been moved up to the top group. Yay Michelle!!

James just did his blue belt grading in Taekwon do tonight and I'm 99% sure that he's passed. Hubby and I know the routines as well as he does and he didn't make any errors apart from a small hesitation. Yay James!!

James also said to me the other day "Mum are you getting thinner?" I said to him that I'm trying, why? And he said "Just didn't think you were that thin." I'm taking this as a compliment that I've lost a little weight ~ I refuse to believe that he thought Mummy was previously an elephant and is now only a hippo. lol. I was wearing a new cardigan that I had bought so am now wearing this thing permanently in the hope that it makes me look like I've lost 10 kgs!

Having a bit of difficulty with the realisation that it is James's 8th birthday on Monday. My baby (because he probably will always be my youngest) is going to take another step towards growing up *sob*. At 8 and 9 (going on 19) my kids are so independent and sometimes scarily mature ~ when did that happen?

Also made a little something for my brother today... a request that he made months ago and obviously I've had other things on my mind lately so haven't gotten around to it until now. What do you think?

p.s Also had 2 sales through Misi this week. Yay me!!

PMT sucks!

2009-07-06T10:08:00.004+01:00

Not a subject I would normally discuss (especially on the blog) but it's affected me sooo much this time. My first since losing our baby. I feel a wreck, both physically and emotionally. Major cramps, even worse than normal and that's normally bad enough. And really heavy bleeding ~ no fun.

And emotionally ~ I guess it's just the finality of it. This means that I really am not pregnant anymore. I knew that for the last 5 weeks but somehow this has just made it real.
I feel over-sensitive and emotional ~ ready to pick a fight with anyone, anytime.

We went to the Village festival yesterday and it was just so busy, made me feel quite panicked ~ hoping these little panic attacks are nothing permanent, just a sign of my over-sensitive situation.

Taking a time-out today ~ can't cope. Having a grocery shopping delivery arriving between 11 and 1pm and I have to iron some shirts for hubby but other than that, I'm doing nothing!

xxx

Grrr, makes me sooo cross!

2009-07-05T19:05:00.003+01:00

I have never been impressed by pregnant ladies who smoke but lately I get really cross by smoking pregnant ladies. How dare you not appreciate that precious little bundle that you are carrying?!
Today we were walking past a pub and this young lady was sitting outside with a lager and a cigarette. I said to hubby "grr, feel like I want to say something to her" and then promptly burst into tears. So angry and so jealous.

It's been a while...

2009-07-02T21:35:00.003+01:00

Didn't realise how long it had been since I've posted a blog... Strange, time went really weird on me this week.

I'm feeling numb at the moment. It's as though all the bad stuff happened to someone else and I just feel really strange. I could quite happily climb into my bed and not surface to deal with the world for the next few weeks.
I can fit into all my clothes again ~ which normally would be a good thing but, of course, I wasn't meant to be fitting into my tight-fitting jeans until after November. So fitting into my clothes is incredibly sad for me right now. I'm comfort eating so don't think I'll fit into them for long. Chocolate doesn't last five minutes in the house and I've even started sneaking it without hubby knowing, I know, sad, sad, sad!

Really looking forward to the summer holidays ~ 2 and a half weeks to go... Want to just spend time with the kids and relax at home, with no school runs. Hubby has 2 weeks booked off too, so hoping to do a few day trips. Please let the weather be nice, doesn't even have to be hot or even very warm, just DRY!! No rain!

I'm having moments where I desperately want a baby, I mean like seriously have an aching womb. Had a random convo with hubby the other night and I don't think he's going to want to try again ever. Still not sure how I feel about that. I've always wanted 3 children but we had decided that, financially, 2 was best, then when we had our little surprise with Logan, I thought "yay, it's meant to be" and we all got used to the idea of a family of 5. Now we are back to 4 (and no, I'm not ignoring or unappreciative of Michelle & James, you know I adore them) but I'm still thinking of 5. Has that opportunity happened? Passed us by? Dare I even risk going through all that again when I already have the "perfect" family?
aaaarrrrgggghhhh. Haven't confessed these feelings to hubby as I think I'm way too unstable to be discussing anything like this yet, but it is driving me a little crazy. And if he really doesn't want to try again, how am I going to feel? That he's taken an opportunity away from me, or that this is the way life should be? Am I worrying about this choice when it isn't even a choice/chance/possibility?

xxx

Quick, quick!!

2009-06-30T08:13:00.002+01:00

Everybody dash over to The Crystal Lady's Blog!
She's got a gorgeous giveaway that ends at midday today.

Enter here...

xxx

Misi Goodies...

2009-06-28T13:07:00.003+01:00

Right, I've been putting it off for long enough ~ time for a Misi Goodies blog, where I try and showcase a few of the lovely items created by Misi crafters.

This week, as it's so close to the end of the school year, I thought I'd do a Teacher Present Blog. I think there are a lot of little handmade items for sale on Misi that could be given to a teacher for year end but I guess it depends how many teachers there are as to how much money you would like to spend on each gift. I think any of these little creations are better than a standard box of chocolate.

I'll be cheeky and start with one of my own little creations... Handbag/Keyring Charms...

Omg ~ look what I found, how adorable is this from Fabrikazz?

Now, if you are completely determined to get chocolate for the teacher, what about this from Cocoapod...

If you are thinking of buying the teacher a bottle of something, perhaps for a male teacher... this Bottle Bag from Carolyn's Creations is stunning...

These cute little personalised bookmarks from Nimanoo Cards would be a lovely gift too...

Does the teacher like candles? This gift basket from Pauline's Candles might be the perfect gift...

What about an alternative to normal flowers? These from Haybel are lovely...

xxx

Just a quick apology...

2009-06-24T17:53:00.004+01:00

Just wanted to make a quick apology to the readers of this blog.
It started out as a general, "this is what I'm doing blog" then became a "this is what I'm making blog" and now it's become a "handling my loss blog".
I apologise for the complete change of subject ~ at the moment, my focus is to make sense of all this and find some peace, unfortunately I'm using the blog to help me do this. I hope it hasn't lost me too many readers and I hope to be back to my "how fab is Misi blog" soon.

And just to let you know that I had a few bad days, Thursday and Friday last week. It hit me all over again and I really battled to find any kind of sense in the last few weeks. My dear hubby ordered me to book a holiday. We are going to Lanzarote in November ~ yes, over my due date. We know we can't afford it but also I think hubby knows what I need right now is something (anything) to look forward to.
Once I'd got over my hysterics (yes, I cried on the school playground too, just couldn't stop on Thursday, it was awful) I've had a few good days. We've kept busy and we went looking for a rose on Sunday ~ haven't found the perfect one yet, but we will, hubby is taking this really seriously too, making suggestions and comments, it's so great to have that support. Anyway, there is no rush, this rose must be the right one, not just any old rose, both the colour and the name have to be just right. I found a lovely creamy, white rose but it was called Champagne Celebration which just wasn't right. Then there was one that was called Remember Me, but that was blood red, nope not that one either. Keep looking.

I've kept busy and tomorrow I have loads of plans ~ walking with one friend in the morning and having lunch/drinks with another in the afternoon ~ to avoid having another little breakdown as Thursday isn't a good day for me ~ too many "anniversary/memory" connections. I'm getting good at the change of direction in my mind when I think about the baby. I'm not sure if it's the "right" thing to do but it's working for me at the moment. I have a few good days where I'm able to keep my mind from dwelling but then I suddenly have a day or two where it comes back and hits me all over again. That's ok, that's what is working for me, I know that there will eventually be more good days than bad and I may even get through a whole week without having a bad day at all.

Something to look forward to...
Hubby and I won a raffle in May ~ a £25 voucher for a fancy restaurant. I finally got around to booking us a table ~ for Saturday night. My Mum has offered to have the kids at her house and hubby and I are going on a date nite :-)

Trying to get out of my little self-absorbed bubble at the moment. Yes, life is seriously hard for me at the moment, but I need to get back to "normal" life a little bit too. I've started posting on Twitter a bit again, listed a few items on Misi and even played a few of those silly Facebook games too. I volunteered up at the children's school yesterday but Michelle's teacher was just so sweet and understanding that she nearly had me in tears all over again. I also got chatting to another Mum, whom I've known for ages (since Michelle was in nursery) but we've lost contact a lot over the last few years. Anyway, she has two children and about 18 months ago she decided to try for a 3rd ~ 3 miscarriages later she's decided that two children is enough. It was both heartbreaking and strengthening talking to her. Not many people knew about her losses as she lost them early and hadn't told anyone yet. We were comparing "war" stories.

Is it really already 4 weeks since I went to the midwife for my 16 week check-up? Is it really 4 weeks tomorrow that I found out that Logan had died? Is it really only 4 weeks on Saturday that I had the worst experience of my life? It feels like both 5 seconds and 5 years since then.

xxx

Not one of my better days.

2009-06-18T14:18:00.002+01:00

Today, I would have been 19 weeks pregnant.
3 weeks ago today I found out that our baby had died.

I ran into someone this morning who I haven't spoken to for nearly a month. I had to tell her about our loss and had tears in my eyes when I did, but didn't break down or anything. Then I went for a little walk and a piece of cake with another friend. It was only when I got home that I broke down and cried. And I've been doing it on and off all day.

It's just so incredibly heart-breaking. It's not fair! It hurts. I want my baby. I want to curl up in a little ball and push away the sadness.

So good day, bad day ~ today was a bad one. Maybe tomorrow will be better?!

xxx

Reopened my Misi shop and booked a craft fayre

2009-06-17T11:48:00.003+01:00

How's that for progress?
I reopened my Misi shop where I sell a bit of jewellery.
Added these pretty things that I made a few months ago.

I also received an email about a Christmas Craft fayre that is happening in November. I previously refused because I would have had a two week old baby at the time and now I won't(omg, that hurts to say that). So when the person offered me a table again yesterday I decided that it would be a good thing to keep me busy. It means I need to make some Christmas Cards and get busy with the jewellery making.

I did really well with this type of bracelet card last Christmas ~ hubby took some to work to sell and I made custom bracelets (i.e. put names on bracelets in beads) for children and mounted them on the Christmas cards. Hoping to get some creative mojo and make some more for this fayre.

Feels really weird thinking about the future ~ especially November. Hubby and I have started talking about an overseas holiday (Tenerife maybe?) for the beginning of November. We can't really afford one but we haven't left the UK since we arrived here over 6 years ago and I guess the happenings of the last few weeks have brought home a feeling of mortality and that I don't want to waste any precious time. The children haven't been to a "real" beach, i.e. a warm one and I would love to give them that opportunity, sooner rather than later. Also Logan was due on 12 November and I would actually love to be out of the country on that date. I know it's probably quite cowardly of me but as we don't have a grave to visit, we don't need to be here and I think I would like to pass that date in a happy place.

xxx

No rose today but that's ok

2009-06-14T17:45:00.006+01:00

We didn't go to the garden centre to get the rose, again ~ various reasons. But that's ok. I'm ok. I'm a little p*ssed off with the world today and that's ok too. My physical health went a little off the normal route yesterday and I think it's just got me down again.
I've got to a point where I'm feeling like it all happened to someone else?!? Has anyone else felt that way? Everytime I start thinking about our baby, my mind kinda heads in another direction ~ self-preservation? I'm wondering how long my little brain can do this for, before it realises that I'm going to have to deal with it all again soon ~ can't ignore a huge part of our lives.

I haven't blogged for a few days because a) I couldn't be bothered (sorry guys) and b) I had some typing work come in and I was very proud of myself for not taking the easy route and refusing it. It came as a welcome distraction and I spent most of Friday typing.

I made a few bracelets too. Will have to look at them on Monday with a critical eye as I'm not sure if they are a little too sombre and black ~ my colour of the moment. Will take pics and let you know.

***

So proud of our daughter yesterday ~ 9 yr old Michelle did one of those high wire assault courses at a birthday party (we didn't have birthday parties like this when I was younger?). Like 15 metres up in the air. I'm terrified of heights so am ultra-proud of daughter's bravery. Awesome!! She isn't very confident sometimes (something we are trying to work on) and so it was incredible to see her climb up there with no hesitation.

***

Right, off to bath the children. James takes about 2 minutes but Michelle's hair is now right the way down her back so it's a longer process to get her sorted.

xxx

Feeling blah

2009-06-11T13:48:00.003+01:00

Is that even a word? Just feel off. Feel sad but not breaking-down-crying-sad, just oh-it's-another-day-sad.
Was looking forward to a friend visiting today but she couldn't make it ~ could have done with a distraction.
Think I have a cold coming, feel run-down, sore throat, headache, generally under the weather feeling.
Poor hubby doesn't know what to do with the "blah Helen". He can reassure and cuddle the "broken-down, crying Helen" and he can laugh with the "it's going to be okay Helen" but he's at a loss with this new mood/phase. Poor love.

xxx

Felt stronger today...

2009-06-09T18:59:00.003+01:00

Strange day...

I spent the morning in tears, on and off, and then a few friends came round, one on a surprise visit (after I had flaked on her yesterday ~ how awesome is she?), the other two planned ~ but all arrived at the same time. They were curious, sensitive and uplifting. It felt good to talk, to talk about Logan, to talk about nonsense, to have a little gossip, to be "normal" again. I felt almost guilty ~ only almost, it's ok for me to be ok. That's not to say I've forgotten my loss already, just that I've found a little way of coping. Good day, bad day thing.

This blog is helping me to cope. I write the blog during the day and then in an evening I've been discussing it, and the comments that arrive on it, and other people's blogs that I've read, with hubby (in tears, of course). I spend some time each day analysing how I'm feeling that day, then writing them down and that helps me feel able to discuss those feelings with hubby. The comments have given me different, new, helpful perspectives on my emotions and for that I thank you all.

The blog has helped me to communicate with my Mum, which has been fantastic.

And it also helped a friend understand a little of what I'm going through at the moment.

Received a lovely remembrance gift from a friend at Misi, haven't stopped staring at it all day ~ it's just so beautiful and special.

Hubby mentioned yesterday that his sister had asked whether we would be trying again. He had answered her NO! This is because on the day after we had lost Logan, I told him to make an appointment to get "the snip". He obviously did the wise thing and agreed with everything I said at that point (and then proceeded to ignore everything I had said). However, last night we had a very open discussion about the future possibility of trying again. We have decided that our opinion right now is No ~ too scared. However, we are not going to make a permanent decision either way until 6 months from now ~ early next year. At that point we will be able to make a rational decision that we can then be sure is the right one for us. You see, Logan was not planned ~ he was our little "laatlammetjie" our unplanned, later in life baby and we were very grateful for this little surprise but now I'm wondering if I was just meant to be a mother of two only. Well, like I say, we are putting off any kind of decision for a few months ~ until we are both sane/sensible enough.

My dear supportive husband has left me...

2009-06-08T09:09:00.003+01:00

At 7:50am this morning my rock, my dear husband, left me... to go back to work for the first time since our loss. And I've been sitting here crying most of the morning so far. He has been so strong that I just hope he's doing ok at work. His 3 sisters and his brother have phoned over the past week but he hasn't actually told anyone the full story. He's mumbled bits and bobs. However, I think he's going to need to tell his boss everything today, to explain that I needed him home for both my physical and emotional health ~ hope he's ok.

I asked my friend/neighbour to take the children to school and she came back with a little flowering plant from our lollipop/crossing lady, Barbara up at the school. More tears, that everyone is so sweet and caring. The thought of leaving the house by myself has me shaking but hubby made me promise that I would pick the children up from school today. Will try.

I backed out of going to see my friend today. She's lost a little angel too so she understands.

So today began the questions: did I do something wrong that made my baby die? Logically, of course not! I don't drink or smoke, I cut down on my cola and drank decaffinated tea. I didn't take any unnecessary risks. I didn't do anything wrong, I know that, I really do! So why am I sitting here second guessing everything that I did in that week that Logan died in my tummy? Because that's part of the grieving process ~ the only person that I can blame/get angry at, is myself. Even though I know it's not my fault.

How can I not have known that I was carrying a dead baby for 3 weeks? There were no signs. No bleeding, no cramps. He was fine at the 12 week scan and even gave us a little wave. I wasn't expecting to feel him move until about 17/18 weeks so wasn't concerned when I hadn't felt anything yet. Why on earth did my body hang onto him?

Rhetorical questions, there are no answers but just trying to make sense of it all.

xxx

To cope or not to cope...

2009-06-07T10:56:00.003+01:00

Thank you all for the reassurance that I'm allowed to cope in my own way. It's now 11am on Sunday and I'm having a non-cope day. I don't want to get out of bed and deal with life today, but that's ok for today.

Through your comments on this blog you've helped me realise that it was a whole way of life, a future that we've lost and it's ok for me to grieve for that too. I told my hubby yesterday that I just can't imagine the future right now, I can't think further than a day ahead because for all those weeks we had a different future, and it's changed so much that I'm having difficulty imagining it.

Hubby held me at 10pm last night, exactly a week since Logan fell out of my body. He died a few weeks before that but that is the moment that I felt his loss, realised that he was gone.

We were going to buy a white rose bush today but it's pouring down with rain so we have postponed it until next weekend. Think this has contributed to my non-cope day. I had a focus, that we were going to a garden nursery and choose a rose, but now there is actually no reason for me to get out of bed today. Geez, that's a crap excuse but I'm sticking with it.

xxx

Opening my eyes...

2009-06-06T08:57:00.003+01:00

I didn't realise that there were so many women walking around out there with this kind of pain inside them. I'm so, so sorry for your losses. No person should ever have to feel this kind of grief. I can only hope that I will be half as strong as you all are. I'm shocked but relieved to find there is a whole community out there that are providing support and comfort to each other. I've read many of your blogs ~ though not ready to add comments yet and cried with you/for your losses too.

I'm in a kind of limbo at the moment. It's a week today that we lost our precious Logan and I'm not sure how I "should" be acting. I'm crying as I write this, but everyone is downstairs so they don't know just how many times a day I break down. I've had 3 different invitations to go out for coffee next week and I know that it's my friends trying to help and keep me busy but I'm not sure whether I want to "cope" yet. Do I go and not talk about it at all and try and be "normal" or do I go and tell them my sob story and have yet another cry?
Everyone tells me I need to get out the house, I need to try and return to routine or it will be harder later. Trying to figure out what is right for me, not what everyone else thinks is best for me. If I want to spend next week in bed then maybe that's what I need at the moment.
I lost our baby at 16 weeks and feel as though I maybe don't have the right to grieve for as long as people who lost their babies further along. I hadn't even felt him move as he'd passed away weeks earlier. Already worried that people are going to get sick of me crying and being miserable.

I have received 5 bunches of flowers (2 groups of mums clubbed together to buy me stunning displays) and I realised that I can't be such a terrible person if people are going out of their way to buy me flowers/cards and let me know that they are thinking of me. The ladies on Misi have been fantastic and supportive too.

I was very rude yesterday to one of the mums on the playground (only my 2nd time on playground since losing the baby). Felt guilty afterwards and sent her an apology. She approached me and told me I looked awful, to which I replied, yes that's what happens when you lose half a dozen pints of blood and a baby. She mumbled oh, I didn't know and walked away. I honestly thought she knew.

I left the house...

2009-06-04T19:24:00.003+01:00

Thank you everyone.
Your comments all help me feel stronger.

I left the house for the first time today ~ not a big deal under normal circumstances but really hard at the moment. Walked up the hill to pick up the children from school with hubby. The look on their faces was worth every step it took to get there. (I'm still feeling fairly light-headed but definitely stronger)
Was approached by lots of friends on the playground ~ awkward from both sides. I don't want to stand there and burden them with my feelings/sorrow and they want to say the exact right thing that will make me feel better ~ impossible obviously ~ but I'm touched that they tried.

I've spent part of the day searching for a piece of remembrance jewellery and have been looking at items by Tiny Moments. Beautiful, special and personal.

I've also found out that Jen from Not Just Pearls makes stunning personalised bracelets.

Even in my sadness I'm impressed at the quality of the Misi unique products.

xxx

Breathing ~ I can do it.

2009-06-03T19:17:00.003+01:00

Thank you all for your comments and thank you to the ladies on Misi for their support.

I'm battling with a few decisions that I made on Sunday morning directly after everything had happened. They approached me and asked me ~ I don't think I was ready, I should have asked them to come back later when hubby was with me ~ the lady came and asked if I wanted a post-mortem, if I wanted to see the baby or have a photo and she asked me to make a few other decisions. This was approximately 8 hours after I had had the surgery and I don't think I was in the right frame of mind to answer any of the questions. I'm now second guessing myself. At the time I just said no, no to seeing my baby, no to a post-mortem and no to a service.
No to seeing my baby ~ I regret this now because the only memory I have of him is very bad. Giving me nightmares bad. But at the time it was just such a painful prospect.
No to a post-mortem ~ I don't regret this because I didn't want anyone messing with my baby.
No to a service ~ we aren't religious and it seemed hypocritical but now I'm wondering if it would have been helpful for us to say goodbye.

They automatically do a cremation unless you say you would like to do something different which I'm okay with because I want to be cremated when I die. And to be honest, he was so tiny there won't be many ashes. Hubby and I are going to buy a white rose bush this weekend to plant in the garden in memory. I think I might buy myself a rememberence bracelet or necklace, perhaps if I can have something positive to think of I can make peace with the decisions that I've made.

I've spent today in tears, crying at every single stupid thing but I know that I will have good days and bad days.

I'm battling to talk to my mum about this ~ she's been a fantastic support and was there for us all through this and I know that she is grieving for her grandchild too but for some reason I haven't even told her the whole hospital story or expressed my regrets. Perhaps I'll give her a link to this blog...

RIP my angel baby...

2009-06-02T19:24:00.003+01:00

I'm not sure how I'm going to survive the next few weeks/months.
Perhaps writing about it will help.
Please do not read further if you are pregnant or planning to have a baby in the near future.

I lost my baby.
Last Wednesday I went for a routine 16 week appointment and the midwife couldn't find a heartbeat. I went for a scan on Thursday where they found that our baby had died a few weeks earlier.
They gave me the option to wait for a miscarriage to happen naturally or medical intervention. I opted for medical intervention as I was worried about how long it would take to happen naturally.
On Friday morning I took a tablet to block the hormones. I was told to return to the hospital on Sunday where they would give me more tablets to encourage a miscarriage.
On Saturday evening I began having stomach cramps at around 9pm. I decided to put the children to bed and get myself sorted before going to the hospital but didn't make it there.
It all happened so quickly. At 10pm my waters broke and I started bleeding. Hubby closed the children's bedroom doors and then he phoned the hospital to say that we would start on our way. The baby came out a minute later and also some of my placenta, then I started bleeding, a lot. My hubby wanted to phone 999 for an ambulance but by this time my kids had already heard enough and I just wanted to get to a&e as quick as I could. I stood sobbing in the bathroom with my baby in my hand and blood flowing out of me. Hubby took control and got me to hospital while my mum stayed with the children.
When I arrived at the hospital, though my hubby tried to tell them just how serious we thought the bleeding was, they still took their time checking me in etc. It was only when I started making a mess all over the floor that they quickly jumped to action. The a&e nurses and doctor were excellent once they got started. My blood pressure dropped dramatically and they started me on drips. Once they realised that the bleeding was not going to stop they arranged for me to go to theatre where I had an "evacuation" and 2 pints of blood.
I was on the ward at 2am after an hour and a half surgery.
On Sunday, they tested my blood to see if I needed another transfusion (think I may have been looking a little pale) but fortunately my body was recovering itself and though both blood pressure and haemoglobin were low, a second transfusion was not needed.
They allowed me home on Monday afternoon and I am now home surrounded by my family, trying to find a way to grieve for the baby we never knew.
I don't know if it was a boy or a girl so I've decided that it was a boy and named him Logan.

I'm heartbroken to have lost my precious baby and traumatised by how quickly everything happened. I had expected a dignified entrance for my poor baby in the hospital with nursing staff handling all the details and keeping everything calm and instead I had a dramatic, sudden, extremely scary experience.

xxx

Summer is here! And Misi Goodies...

2009-05-24T17:11:00.004+01:00

And it's fabulous! Not sure how long it's going to last but this weekend has been divine. I miss the sun soooo much during the winter so I run outside and bake myself the moment we have 2 minutes sun. :-)

I must apologise for my lack of blogging (again) ~ don't know where the time is going at the moment.
Sorry Zoe, I have totally let you down with the Misi Goody blogs ~ I am going to do one now and try and make up for missing a few.

Right ~ I thought I would do a "Golden Oldies". Basically crafters who have been at Misi from the beginning/near the beginning. Yes, I know Misi is only about 8 months old but there are some people who have been there from the beginning and are really committed to helping Misi reach the heights it should.

We'll start with Julie's Booties... who obviously makes booties (amongst other things).

These are her Deluxe Rabbit Baby Booties ~ all together now... awwww cute!

She also paints these adorable fridge magnets...

Our next Misi Golden Oldie is... Hennie.

Hennie's talents are varied, she knits...

And she also makes these various cushions of unique designs...

Our final golden oldie for today is Mopppy who recently changed her shop's name to Oh Sew Nice.

She makes bandana bibs...

Tag Comforters...

And also lovely bags.

Hope you all have had a lovely summer weekend and hope it continues through this whole summer.

xxx

I listed!! and added a Sale

2009-05-13T11:21:00.002+01:00

I've finally created something new...

And listed it on Misi.

I also listed this cheerful bracelet that I made a few months ago.

While I was at Misi, I decided to reprice some of my items and have a little sale.
These adorable charms are now only £3 each.

Go and visit The Beading Lady's shop for more sale items ;-) Because I need to make some space to be able to make more creations.

I won!!

2009-05-12T20:49:00.004+01:00

Remember I blogged about the lovely Perfect Little Purses bunny giveaway?
Well, I feel a little guilty because I haven't been checking/reading everyone's blogs lately ~ kinda fallen behind in my reading, but I got a little Twitter message telling me I should check her blog and found out.... I won!!
And look at my adorable prize! Bonnie is coming home to live with us. Thank you sooooo much!

Now starts the debate ~ do I give it to Michelle (who will love it by the way) or do I wait and see at my 20 week scan if the little bun is a girl or a boy?
Think I will probably give it to Michelle and then give her the choice to give it to little bun if it's a girl.

Baby scan pic

2009-05-11T20:47:00.004+01:00

Ok, just have to add this.
Baby bump at 12 weeks.

I know I haven't blogged for ages and I'm honestly going to try and get back into the swing of it soon ~ there are so many new Misi sellers and goodies to brag about.

But in the meantime, my obsession has changed slightly. I am currently on the search for all competitions, give-aways and 2nd hand (great condition) baby goodies. So far I have received one re-useable (cloth) nappy and two recycleble nappies. Oh and I also won a competition for an adorable bunny comforter from Sleepytot. Just waiting for that to arrive so that we can ooooh and aaaaah over it.
As this baby is such a surprise and so long after our other two children, we have no baby items and so I'm trying to slowly get as much together as early as possible.

Ok, no more baby talk ~ my next blog will be about Misi crafters or creations ~ or maybe (shock!!!) one of my creations. I was given some gorgeous beads to re-use last weekend but haven't even managed to look at them yet.... maybe tomorrow?

The Crystal Lady

2009-05-06T18:23:00.001+01:00

I've just entered a competition on the Crystal Lady's Blog.

Take the opportunity to enter too at The Crystal Lady!

My Misi Swap Present from Madam Salami.

2009-05-05T16:55:00.003+01:00

Our Misi swap had to start with the person's user name. Mine being Beading Lady.

The fabulous Madam Salami sent me Baby Bunting, Baby Trousers and a lovely Blue & Brown Brooch. All beautifully made and extremely useful.

Thank you Tash for a very thoughtful Misi swap.

Trial Pack of Soap Nuts ~ Only £1!!!

2009-04-27T17:45:00.001+01:00

Just a quick mention of LoveHennaHair and the Trial pack of soapnuts ~ only £1 Including postage!!!

More details here.

Just entered a competition...

2009-04-27T16:28:00.001+01:00

At Perfect Little Purses.
She's celebrating 5000 hits on her blog and is giving away an adorable bunny.
You too can enter here.

Misi Goodies...

2009-04-25T09:25:00.000+01:00

I've really struggled with a theme for this week's Misi Goodies ~ was going to do Father's Day but then thought, maybe it's still a little too far away...
Thought of doing a Baby theme, but then didn't want to jinx myself.

So after much deliberation I decided on a colour theme... see if you can figure out what it is...

Here we go...

From Hennie, a fluffy pink heart cushion...

From Mamma Kaz, a gorgeous pair of Arm Warmers...

Cute Designs has listed this Cute Mimi "Pinkee" Bunny...

And another bunny, this time from The Warren, a Pink Fluffy Sock Bunny (mmm, seems the words pink and fluffy go together quite a lot)...

I totally fell in love with these Funky Pink Furry Yeti Baby Boots from FunkyShapes ~ how adorable are these?!!

And, finally as an added bonus ~ something added very recently by Madam Salami, a custom fairy skirt...

Did you guess ~ yep, my colour theme for this week is PINK!!

The Sweetest Things...

2009-04-16T13:14:00.003+01:00

Sometimes they just do the sweetest things ~ my children, that is.
Just had to tell you all about a few things that my dear kiddies have done lately that made me go Awwww.

Firstly, I was vacuuming, feeling a bit under the weather, but being the martyr and continuing with it anyway. Hubby told the children to stop me and make me lie down for a bit ~ so they unplugged the vacuum cleaner and dragged me to the bed. Then hubby did the vacuuming. Awww.

Next was something James did the other morning. The children have been waking up in the mornings during the holidays and leaving Mummy to sleep while they go downstairs, get their own breakfast and play for a bit. The other morning, I was semi-conscious when James came into the bedroom, re-adjusted my duvet cover and snuck out again. When I asked him about it later he just said "It wasn't on you properly so I fixed it". Aw bless!

Then a little snippet about Michelle. I asked Michelle to help set the table for supper and James to get drinks for everyone (something they do every night) and Michelle rolled her eyes at me and proceeded to both set the table and get the drinks. When questioned she said that her brother had a tummy ache so she was helping him out. They do love each other ~ really!

It's moments like these that I am really appreciating right now. They are being soooo sweet with me ~ asking how baby and Mummy are feeling, making sure they are quiet when I ask, and generally just being lovely. I'm not saying they are angels, lol, don't think that is possible but I really do appreciate that they are caring, helpful children (most of the time).

Have you had any lovely moments like that lately? Or have you, like me (until recently), missed them because you've had too much else going on?

xxx

Misi Widget

2009-04-15T16:46:00.001+01:00

Emma created a lovely widget to show off our Misi goodies.
Take a look at the panel on the right...
Thanks Emma!

Misi Goodies...

2009-04-12T10:06:00.000+01:00

And this week's theme...
Recycling!

A lot of the crafters at Misi recycle, upcycle or re-use materials with fantastic results.

This Rag Bag by Annie is an excellent example of re-using materials to create something completely different.

This hairslide by Pink Flapjack has been created with vintage buttons.

I love this little bag from Mad About Bags ~ it's made from a pair of old trousers!!

This brooch from Reclaimed Vintage is made from a variety of recycled materials.

And while we're on brooches, here's another one, this time from Trashy Princess.

This adorable little bag from BaggyT's is just one of the many bags that she has on offer, others are from old denims.

Hope you enjoyed my little look at a few of the recycled creations from Misi. There are many others definitely worth a look for yourself...